Hope for New, Forgive the Past

Tomorrow is the start of a new year and I'm not sure what I want of it. I know that this year has been a handful and defiantly challenging. But with everything that has happened, I'm kinda grateful. Sure, I'm cried a lot and struggled more than ever before but those things made my faith stronger.

Lately, my faith and walk have been on a slope sliding backwards. I still believed in God but I never did anything to glorify Him. I didn't pray or even read God's word for a long while. One thing that kept pulling my love for God into view was that every time I saw or heard anything good about God, I smiled and knew the truth. Knowing the truth isn't always a enough when you can't find a way out of the troubling world we live in.

So, that's when I slide backwards. I got into a lot of trouble at school almost a month ago and so I started running backwards. I ditched class and my language was even too much for me to handle. I changed, and some people said that wasn't who I was. I even think I pulled a christian friend down with me. That was the "slap in the face" my faith needed.

Watching my mouth and trying to act better was difficult. I even gave in and talked to someone that most of my friends have been telling me to open up to.  Yea, that all by itself was a miracle. I'm trying, really trying to change but three months of losing my hope in God has done a lot of damage.  So, I'm trying to let God in my life and change and fix everything I've screwed up.

The greatest thing about my new faith, is that God has already made some huge improvements. Just by praying and have the faith that He would come through, He changed my life once again. I'm truly over joyed by what God has done just in the last 24 hours of me giving it all to Him again. I'm not saying that I'm not going to mess up again, because I will. But at least I can yell and scream at God without walking away like I did sometime in the last two weeks.

I even forgave someone for something that affected my whole life. It was difficult and I'm sure I'll have to do it again but at least I've got God saying to do so. This is where my hope for the new year comes in and where God has forgiven my wrong turns and backward slides.  It was easy to fall but even harder to admit my failure. Thanks goes to God for placing amazing people in my life that listen to Him and help show me back to His path.

Happy New Year and Keep the Faith,
                                      CG

Hello Again :)

I know, I know. I keep doing this to you. And sorry really isn't gonna solve anything, but a blog post will. Won't it?

Life has gotten pretty crazy the last month an half. Between school and home, I'm not really finding a release. I actually exploded in English 11 and felt pretty awful for it. Not for my feeling but because I brought home life to school. I deal with it enough as it is with out talking about it at school.

I've been grounded for six months and I really don't mind. I mean no T.V., computer, phone, and the only places I can go is to school and home thats not so bad. If, I had no life and didn't want one that would be fine. BLAH!!!! I hate being grounded, but I do get to sit in silence all the time. Which God has called us to do sometimes.

I'm actually pretty anger at God. Mainly because I haven't been meeting with Him. I've been looking at my life for the last couple of weeks and noticed I've never done anything bad really. I mean like in the eyes of the law. I've been in the mood to do something reckless and stupid but haven't. I'm just not feeling it.  But I'm ready to break and do something stupid.

This week has kinda been a difficult. One of my friends who is 16/17 had her baby this week. She was WAY early and the baby only lived for two hours. I saw her this morning and my heart broke. The second I saw her I said I was so sorry. You could tell her hurt and pain that she didn't want to share. We talked for about five minutes and I wanted to cry. She hasn't been eating or sleeping, which is not cool. 

My other friend found out she was pregnant the same day. Only sixteen that one. I'm not saying that they shouldn't have the baby because I've always been pro-life. But how in the world are they pregnant so young? I look at myself and I could probably raise a child this young, but I wouldn't be ready to. In a way I'm so selfish that I don't want a kid right now. All I could offer it is nothing but hurt and pain and I don't want to place that on a child.

My mom had me at 15 and I saw how she felt. She loved me (may still love me) but she never got to be a kid. Growing up, I hated how my mom acted like a teenager, she even wore my cloths when I was 11. I didn't think that was right and couldn't stand how she tired to be my best-friend instead of a mom. She wanted to be a teen and couldn't so after a few years, so lost it and tried to reverse time and live the teenage dream she never got to. I haven't seen her in three years because of it and I don't want to end up like that.

I've been writing everyday, thanks to S.Campbell (English 11 teacher). I've been enjoying it more and more even when I don't want to. Right now I'm writing a novel. Its kinda big step but I'm ready for it. I know how I want it to be but at the same time its REALLY challenging because I have to focus on details and dialogue which has never but my strong suits. The main characters are Daniel and Cari who are complete strangers, that both believe in God. They are test on their faith as they go through the abyss in their lives.Together.

Well got to go. I will try and post when ever I can. Love you guys :)

PS- Please be praying for me and this crazy life I live. My friends who are pregnant and my friend who lost her baby. Please be praying,

CG :)

A new start :)

I really don't know how to say, more of write, how amazing and blessed my week has been. I didn't fall as many times as the weeks before and I'm following God again. I've made a new friend who has been such a help to staying on the right path. Many opportunities have presented themselves where I can learn and share about Jesus. And of course, I'm finding myself once again.


SO in the process of making God my everything, I've made a goal to memorize a Bible verse everyday. Therefore, in a year I will know 365 verses that I really tried to remember and not just got stuck in my head. How can I do this, since I feel like Dory off Nemo?? I read my Bible, pick the verse that jumps out and start saying over and over. Since I use my phone so often, I take a picture of the verse (after I write it on my hand or something) and save it to my phone as my background.  It seems to be working and indeed it is awesome :)


With being in public school for the first time since I've been saved has been kinda hard. I know I've talked about how I've fallen and everything but I haven't told you how amazing my Godly friends are.  When I talked to Jason, youth pastor, last Saturday he suggested that a Bible study be started during the week. I prayed about it a lot that night and excitement started to grow as I felt God's hand on it. Presenting this idea to some of the High Schoolers, and one of my friends said he would lead it if we wanted him to.  I can't tell you how relieved I was not having to lead and plan it. Not only this friend but all of my friends are just making it easier to stay close with Jesus and live the life God's called me to live.


Sharing about Jesus' love has always been a joy, but being in a place where the enemy is so strong its hard. To me, talking about God or Jesus in a good way is a form of cussing to everyone at school and actually cussing is their god, their idol. Once I do share about Jesus, everything gets better and there's just a little more light in the school. This guy named Dustin is a friend who is finding his way to God. Last week he came up to me with this huge grin, giving me the biggest hug possible. He had prayed for the first time and wanted to know what time the Grove met for youth group.  I was so thrilled because this guy wanted to know more about God.

There has just been a ton of questions coming from my friends that don't really know God, wanting to know more about Him and most of them start after I read my Bible before school on morning. I was literally shaking with fiery from something that had happened on the way to school. And it being the Monday after I said yes to making God my center again, I brought out a Bible and looked for the part that has scripture to read when you are anger. Psalms 4:4 was the first one I saw and soon it became my verse for the next four days. I carried it around all day and everyone wanted to know why. Each answer was worded differently but had to same meaning, I needed God. It was pretty great to have so many questions about God.


Just from this past week, I've seen the difference in just holding my Bible at school. I think there are more people who have been burned by Christians and don't want anything to do with God because of them, than people who don't want anything to do with God because of any other reason. It breaks my heart. And I hope I'm not turning anyone away from God.

I actually have to get going but thank you for reading this and not calling me out on every misspelling and grammar error. You are awesome :)

Saying Yes.

 This week has been the hardest week since I started school. Home life has just been chaos; while school has been nothing but struggles.  I watch Christian everyday fall and I see myself falling with them, but its not just a short fall. Each fall seems to be more and more destructive and it's heart breaking. Not that they are just falling but that I'm caught in the same mudslide of sin and each person with faith is a light and there are not many bright lights left.


I was able to talk to someone about everything going on, after the sermon tonight and I really didn't plan on telling them everything I did. I didn't know I would cry or even hear everything God wanted me to, I just let go of everything going on. It felt great to let out the time bomb going on inside, with out it going off in rage.  As I talked to this person, my real heart condition came out; not the one I wanted everyone to see. I was told everything I needed to hear plus some. One thing that God wanted to prove or just be like," Hey that was me talking..." was that I was told I was loved. I know how silly it sounds to know that you're loved but its hard for me to grasp. Every-single-day.

On that note, God sent a song and a note showing that He has loved me from the very beginning and has sent people to show me the right path. The note was from this very sweet girl that I haven't spent much time with but always seems to know what to say. On FaceBook I found a wall post saying that she looked up to me, that what I shared the week before at youth almost made her cry, and she admired the way I lived my life and hope to be more like me someday. I was shocked to say the least, not just because of the way that I have been living the last few weeks but the fact that when I told how I was saved, I thought I did an awful job. I guess God had plans for how I said that and when. It actually really scares me that she looks up to me, and wants to be more like me. But God's love is there.
             The song that just reinforced everything the person I talked to tonight, is down below.  We talked about how I need to read my Bible because thats a place where I hear God and where a huge connection is. I remembered how God will always be with me even if I don't wanna talk to Him. God knows my pains and thoughts, He knows my heart and yet here He is taking the time to help me find a way back to Him. This song is just everything I needed to hear and remember. The Go Fish Guys are just an amazing band. Their songs are mainly for preschoolers and their parents but they are just so cool! They are one of my favorite bands now and I love that. Anyways, this song made the tears flow and it really hit the heart. I've listened to it over twenty times now in just the last two hours, and every time I tear up.  I'm once again saying yes to God, and not just spending a few minutes of my day on Him but I am saying yes to fighting the good fight. Saying yes to the Kingdom of God. Saying yes to live the life God has called me to. Saying yes to live every second for Him, Every-Single- Day, not matter how hard.

Thank you Jason for talking to me tonight and for your wife and you always being there even when I don't wanna talk. Thank you Madre for bringing back the Go Fish Guys and opening so many doors.  Thank you, you the person who's reading this because otherwise I wouldn't be writing and making a promise to you and myself to try to live by God's word; You are my accountability at times and I'm grateful for you. I love you all :)

The Answer to the problems

So the boy problem, fixed. I listened to God and guewss what? He didnt want me in a relationship or atleast I couldn't be in one with that boy because he is a boy. Not a man or Gentleman that was my issue.

School was still kinda a challenge this week but I was able to get through it, and I still have my faith attached.

Home life has been harder and harder but God will take care of my stumbles and falls with love and mercy.

I saw a sermon for the first time in about three weeks and I cried like three times. Plus most of the worship songs were about being broken and God healing, also giving Him everything.

Billion Dollar question and answer to every problem whether you know it or not is: God can help me do anything.

(P.S.- I've been teaching this basic truth all month, you think I would get it before the kids would... guess not :)

That is all the updates I have at this early hour in the morning.

The SUCKY truths

As another week of school went by, I found myself losing more and more Strenght. I've fallen into temptation many times this week and I'm not proud of it. I've cussed, laughed at things that were unapproved, listened to music that lead me in the wrong directions, and I'm not refueling with God like I was the first two weeks. Today was honestly the first time I picked up my bible and read it in a week an half or so. Now I have a boyfriend and hardly know the guy! He's nice and sweet and believes in Jesus, I think, but it just doesn't feel like me.


All week I've watched and listened to people who call themselves Christians do everything that I did. All week it has been even hard to sit before God and ask for forgiveness because I know what I was doing was wrong but kept doing it anyways. From home to youth group and everything in between I'm just getting so tried of the drama, the lies, and all of the hurt. I'm just so tired of being strong and doing the right thing. Its just so hard.

The last few weeks I've been SO anger, and I'm finding that in my anger I'm walking away from God. I've been anger at my dad for countless reasons most of them really good reasons, I've been anger with school because they wont let me change my class to a higher level, and I've been anger with myself because I'm not giving it all to God and I haven't been walking the walk. I keep hearing all these amazing things about God and I know what I'm supposed to do, but I'm not always doing it. I know God healed my sickness last week when I couldn't do anything with out violently throwing up, and I prayed asking God to take it away. 15 minutes later I felt better and fell asleep. I know that was God because I had been sick like that for about 3 hours.

I just don't get why I'm so rebellious towards God. I pray every night and I know what God has done for me and I know how much he loves me but I'm still testing the life of sin in a way. Like the cussing, when I say a cuss word it leaves this bad taste in my mouth and its awful. SO why don't I stop? There's this one teacher that when he's talking to the class I can always think about God when he's talking and how what he's saying relates to my life with sin and my faith. He's never said anything about God really but he's just one of those people when you meet them, you know something about them is different.

I guess I feel guilty about everything I'm doing. I'm not on the God-side of things right now. As I've been told before, its black and white no gray areas when it comes to if it brings God glory or if it doesn't. I know I have to make some big life choices and right now one of them is how much time I spend with my friends, what music I listen to and what I'm going to do about this boy. I know there has to be lots of lines that wont ever be crossed but where do I draw these lines. I don't feel right breaking up with him, but I know it has to be a Godly relationship if this is going to happen.

Prayer requests:

Can you please pray for me and that I gt a better focus on God and keep on the path of God.

Can you please be praying for my Madre, my mentor, and her family. Her dad still needs lots of prayers and her mom of course. Her husband and children need prayer too.


Thank you

Just a side-note

I know I said get ready for a bunch of blog posts and haven't posted a blog since. Well, I was sick for a few days and still getting over it, plus it seems like I have no time for myself. From school to home I am busy, busy and busy. Although I still find time during school to talk about Jesus. I think my English teacher reads more about what I have to say about what God has done than anything else.

Right now I feel like my life is missing something. I'm not quite sure what it is because I have it all: a group of friends who help my focus stay on God, a mentor family that drives me crazy sometimes, a bundle of brothers and sisters, a church where I can always hear God's voice in the message, teachers who get on my nerves and a home life that I can always cope with. What am I missing? Most of the teens at school would say a boyfriend, while the others would say a daily job.  Neither of those are it but I'm hoping God will tell soon.

At youth group this week we learned about different forms of worship during music worship. Well before I started going to Grace and the Grove, I thought people who raised their hands were freaks. Now I happen to be one of those freaks, but I learned a lot a year an half ago when our youth pastor, Jason, gave a similar message. This past message really opened my eyes to different ways I worship when I'm going through different things. This week was not a week I was raising my hands and singing loudly, which I normally do when lots of stuff is going on and I need help or I am just really loving life. This week was kind of different, but it was still amazing. I love how each person worships differently, it shows just how much God loves us to be able to connect with us in our own way.


"How He Loves" by the David Crowder Band keeps playing, around me and in my thoughts. Yesterday I was just hanging out with my mentor family, and it played during lunch. Then at youth they played it twice, but of course that wasn't enough times I've heard it once today and have gone through it over and over in my mind. Every time the lyrics come to," I don't have time to maintain these regrets..." I pause. I'm not sure what it means but I surely hope I don't have any regrets.

Prayer Requests:


My mentor family needs prayer, their family is going through a bit lately. From having the kids' Grandpa in ICU their mother is gone and its start to take its toll on each member of their family.

I need prayer of staying strong in school and being around sin all the time. I'm finding myself getting sucked into it more and more. Just please pray that I replace all of the awful words thought and stuff with God's word.

Please be praying for my youth pastor,his wife and their family. I'm pretty sure they still don't know if she still has cancer or not. Not quite sure about that though.

And if you could please say a prayer for the high school. Just so that God could be seen a little bit more there because I know kids who have faith in God but at school God is like a poison to them.


Thank you for your prayers, love you all very much,

Excited about being Excited!

   So I apologize that I haven't written anything for a while. I've been thinking about writing and have a billion drafts but none of them made it to the posting stage, I'm sure you've noticed. Not being enthused about writing has been the problem, and not knowing what to write about. Great thing is though, I found my little writing guy yesterday. She's been sleeping on the job, but is ready for a good old fashion challenge. After a nice cup of coffee of course.

  I am now going to the local high school and for the most part, I'm bored in all my classes. Of course, school has only been in a week now but I can tell which classes I will enjoy and which ones I will end up doing my other classes home work in. One class that I'm really enjoying right now is English 11. Basically, I'm writing and reading but the teacher I have is using creative ways of getting every ones attention. Or at least mine.

  Everything we have done so far has been kind of childish but at the same time very eye opening. The writer's block or wall has finally been broken and I'm once again excited about writing. I'm mainly excited about being excited about writing, more importantly though, I'm excited about writing about God. And boy, has He been hearing a lot from me lately!

  Being back at the high school hasn't been as hard as I though it would be.  Although, there is SO much gossip and cussing it tempting but I don't want to do it. Its like having a mouth watering, hot fudge brownie with a secret ingredient surrounded by vanilla ice cream, and topped with whipped cream sitting right in front of you.Or whatever your favorite dessert is with a secret ingredient. At first that sounds,smells and look amazing, right? That's until you find out that the very secret ingredient, yes the one in that dessert you love, is really doggy doo-doo. That exactly like sin! Yes, joining the crowd looks fun and cool but its the doo-doo in your lovely dessert.

  Don't tell anyone, but I actually enjoy being back at school. Even when my back hurts from having seven huge texts books that I need to carry to and from class everyday, and home if I have home work. Plus the desk chairs are the most uncomfortable things ever and the only way to sit comfortably is to slouch which makes it ten times worse. Once you get through all that though, I get to see how God can use me, and how important it is to get refueled, keep up with reading the Bible and prayer.

  Life is going well and I'm really enjoying it. Get ready for a billion blog posts because the little writing guy is on a role, I think were going to call that little writing guy Frank-o-La. Yea, that's a strong-ly silly name. Thank you guys for reading this blog, and checking even if I wasn't posting. I love you guys!

  Prayer requests:  For Andrea's (youth minister's wife) spot on her neck to be nothing. To know what I'm talking about go to her blog, The Gressman Family. Secondly, a friend/mentor/spiritual mother's family. Also her dad needs prayers of healing after something that happened last week. Last but defiantly not least, I need prayer to keep up my faith and not fall into temptation not matter how chocolaty it looks.

Thank you, love you

Silent

My very dear friend, Nikki, posted this today. She is such an amazing person and God has used her in my life so much. The words are off on this one video but it still made me cry. I just wanted to share this with all of you, because it did touch my heart only a few minutes ago, right as I was blogging. I love you Nikole!

First Post

Almost a year ago, I had blogged for the first time.Accepting My Challenge was the best name I could think of. I was so hoping no one would read it but a ton of people did. Someone, who has changed my life in so many ways, actually posted it as her status on FaceBook. I can't even begin to tell you how embarrassed I was, and still I turn red at the thought of it.

I read it a few moments ago, and today I know what was written is so true. I knew then that it was kinda true, but now I can tell you with out a doubt that I have fallen so many times and will for the rest of my life. My church family has been there and helped me up from the worst of my falls to the happiest moments of my new life. No matter where I am, they are always by my side.

I've been learning so much about God that I'm learning about myself. Like, I have this passion for serving others, but street witnessing is not my strong point. I love teaching, but I have a hard time leading worship. Meeting new people is my thing, but teaching others that are older than I am is difficult. No matter how hard life can get, God will always help you through it.

Past this year I have made new friends, learned about God, found myself, built up relationships, switched to only Christian Music, made life choices, changed forever, and made memories that last a life time. What more could a girl want?

If I could change anything in the post I wrote a year ago, it would have only been some spelling corrections. :) Love you all,

Carissa

The God of every day??

So a few times at Youth Group our youth pastor, Jason, has told us that its easy to get caught up of the God of Miracles. Sure sometimes I don't fully rely on God but I don't always just focus on the miracles. A few times I do but then someone reminds me about the God of every day. Just by something they say or how they act. But every time Jason said that I would ask myself," Who is the God of everyday?" Sure I know who God is and I know how amazing He is and that my love for Him is not even on a scale of His love for me, but really, what is the God of Everyday.

 Well for the last month I have been finding out what the God of everyday really is. To me, its just being thankful to be a live. To not be afraid whether I'm hitting the right keys or not during worship because I know God wants to hear my voice praising Him.To be able to see God in the difficult moments with out it being a big deal. To learn how to be joyful even though not everything is perfect because He IS joy. To love on those who need it, and to just be me in God. I know it seems like a lot but really its not even 1% of what God is, and how amazing He truly is.

This entire week has just been SO SO SO amazing, even if there was a struggle here or there and the size of the struggle doesn't really matter. That's all because God has this perfect plan for my life and I'm really hoping that I'm following it. I think I am but who really knows?
          Things that may seem simple to you I might find funny. I love the little things and at that I tend to laugh, a lot. So here is something that probably isn't very funny to you but it makes me smile every time I think about it.

Driving home yesterday after church, Luke and I were reading his Bible together. It's a First Bible Story Book or something like that. Luke starts turning the page when we drive past the car that has its music blaring. It lasted about three seconds, we both look at each other like, "That was weird. What do we do now?"  Laughter starts flowing out of Luke which in turns makes me laugh. Laughter was just filling up the van from the two of us. Right as I get out, Luke says," Music" and we both bust up laughing.

See that is a small part of the God of everyday for me.  :-)

Thank you all for reading this and just for your support. Love you!!

Blessings,

Updates.

The Mission Trip last week went really amazing. I don't think anyone wanted to leave so soon. A total of 13 of us were there and accomplished staining ten cabins in three days, and we have evidence. I still have stain in my rings and the clothes I took will never be the same again. :)

The Discipleship team had our first meeting on Tuesday, our devotion this week is too have a week of prayer. Each day having a different prayer focus, and its really amazing. After our meeting type thing, we played miniature golf. I totally suck at it but it was defiantly fun.

Camp Creativity was this passed week and I can't wait for next year :) Camp Creativity is a day camp, well morning camp at the church for ages 4-12. After Pre-school age (4,5) the kids get to pick on thing that they do all week.Sometimes we are introducing kids to Christ and other times we are just helping them further their walk. I of course did pre-school but instead of going around with the kids like I  did last year, I actually taught a class. It was great to see how God had everything planned out, even when it didn't seem like it.

My feelings on life right now, well I am struggling with a huge problem but God keeps me busy in a way. Like with Camp Creativity and the Prayer Week but this thing that's going on is one of the hardest things I've had to go through since the start of my walk. Have I talked to anyone about it? No, I just don't see the point. Have I asked for prayers? Yes, kinda sorta I didn't say exactly what it was for. Am I failing in my walk because of it? Yea a tad bit. So doesn't that make it a big deal...

Everything else in my life seems to be going great though.

Many Little Things

So this past week of being nothing but thankful went kinda south for me. I did a pretty good job at being thankful but then a lot of family drama happened. Stuff with my Uncle and cousin and now my niece but when all that was going down I did something that made it easy to be thankful. I stopped focusing on all the bad things and focused on the little things that made happiness shine.

I realize I do this a lot more than I thought I did. Like this week, I wont even be able to go home after our three day mission trip; one of the families that are going with us camping will be picking me up at the church and taking me straight there. For Saturday and Sunday I will be coming back to teach and I have to be back by Monday morning because I will be teaching all week. Through all of this craziness i am focusing on the little things because if I look at all the big things I might freak out.

A few little things that happened that just made it way,way easy to be thankful happened to be kids. Tuesday I went to a Kindergarten Graduation and it was SOOOO cute. Better than any High school graduation hands-down. One thing that happened that I could not stop laughing at was this little two year old girl and a hat she put on. I was sitting there listening to one of the teachers and he was reading out of the Bible. I look over to see this little girl wearing a white hat, with a black feather hair bow. The feathers were in her face and the hat was almost covering her eyes. I guess from everything that had happened and was going on, I just soaked up that moment. My Laughter at that point was passed the point of no return. It was cute and I needed that small moment.

 Another thing that was just exactly what God called for was being a Sunday school teacher. Almost every week I ask what the kids what they want to be when they grow up. One week I had this little girl, four years old, say," I wanna be a Mommy!" It was so cute, and all I could do was smile. This past week though I was asked what I wanted to be. This is something like what I had said," I don't really know. I want to travel all around the world and help people." The little girl that said she wanted to be a Mommy looks at me with this dead serious look as says," I think you should be a teacher because you're a great teacher!" I love teaching, but I don't know if I could do that every day.

One of my favorite things that happened this past week that made thankfulness pour out, was at Youth Group because new YWAM people were there and there was also another new girl there. I LOVE meeting new people! I have no idea why but I get super stoked and excited when I meet new people. I love it even more when there is a connection. Like Christian Rap, traveling, or the same grade, well that's just a couple that happened on Sunday. Oh and liquid Nitrogen!  :-D Even just thinking about meeting someone new brings this huge smile to my face.

Prayer Requests-

 Please pray that the mission trip goes really well and that my teaching skills grow. Thank you SO much. I love you all!

Blessings.

Thankfulness

My challenge for myself this week is to be thankful, no matter what happens, and try to apply it to my EVERYDAY life. God gave this really great message through our youth minister, Jason, tonight and I can't help but feel like I should let everyone know how thankful I am. For I am thankful a lot of the time but sometimes I don't say I am or do it full-heartily. For the next week and even afterwards, I am telling people how thankful I am and why I am.


I know it should be something that I should have done before but never really have I been full out thankful for everything. Its a new change in my life but I'm ready for it. I've already told a few people and I feel so amazing. Not that they might have said something back or that I posted it on Face Book but I feel so great because I know that if I died tonight, they would know that I was thankful for them.


Tonight at youth group after our message, we were supposed to meet with a friend and tell them why we were thankful to God that they were in our lives. Well, this really great girl and I got together and the funny thing is that we really haven't known each other all that long. She has had a huge impact on my life but I never thought that I had impacted hers. I was told that I was outgoing and a bunch of other stuff that really opened up my heart and yes I almost cried. I don't think I'm outgoing at all and its hard for me to accept a complaint. You would never think of some of the things your friends do and its really amazing to know what they really think about you. I am truly thankful and grateful for all my many great friends and how amazing they are. I love them all so much and hope that I can be as great of a friend that they are to me.

I am also VERY,VERY grateful and VERY,VERY, MORE THAN VERY thankful that you are reading this and have become part of my life. I pray for each of you, whoever you are, every night. Thank you for reading what I write, even if its no great Shakespeare or anything. :) Thank you so very much, I really truly love who you are, even if I don't exactly know you :-)

                 I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

My insanely crazy/weird 16th B-Day wish

So with July fast approaching, I've been asked by a few people what I want for my birthday. I always responded with,"I don't know," or "I don't care." I don't really want anything for my birthday. Sure its the 16th birthday but I've never really been a fan of receiving gifts. I LOVE to give them though. Tons of things come to mind of what I might like to get for my birthday but none of them are things that I'm getting before then.

I think I've put more thought into this unknown birthday present that any other birthday gift ever. The perfect birthday gift would be a sunburn. Yes, I know how insanely crazy this sounds but it makes a ton of sense in a way. I've only been sunburned twice and I can tell you every detail about them. A common detail they share  is how much fun I had the day I received the sunburn. Why in the world would I want to be in pain of it though? I am always in the sun but I only get a tan, I maybe red for a few hours but I can't even remember most of those days.

It doesn't really make all that much sense to want a sunburn for your birthday but it all that I want. In order to get a sunburn I have to be outside for a rather long period of time. Which I very much dislike doing alone, so I would be with people I enjoy being with. We, who ever we are, would most likely be doing something fun because who just likes sitting outside in the sun for a long period of time doing nothing? Probably something fun and not too exhausting.Since my Birthday just happens to fall on a Saturday, I get to spend more time in the sun than any other day of the week, that's just because of my busy summer schedule. I also get to go to church. :)

See,I don't seem completely nuts when I explain it a little more. That is my 16th Birthday wish, its completely insanely weird but its just like who I am... <(^,^)>

Blessings,

Is it just a tea? NO! Its life changing

The meaning of Mother's Day to me two weeks ago: Can we just skip it this year? Pretty please?!?

   So this is my full confession to what I've been avoiding talking about. I'm struggling with, well just people I look up to.Really, well mainly the women in my life that are motherly figures. For the past two weeks I have been struggling with this and today, of course, was a mother's day tea thing. I was SO not looking forward to it but was invited to go.  Mother's Day really doesn't matter around my house, although the last two years we have celebrated it with ladies that have helped each one of us kids. Well this year, we are all making our own plans but none of them involving Mother's Day for the most part.

Since I went to the Tea, God was working through the women there. Did I see this coming? I really should of, because God never lets me down. I was extremely nervous and I think most of it was because I didn't want to know why I was struggling. One thing that they did was to think of one word that you value in a relationship. I thought of many, many words but one word really stuck which was REAL. I just said,"I don't know." When we had to share our words, I'm sorry I lied because I did know. I didn't think my word was well, real enough. 

Our women's pastor was giving us this message about Friendships. Like with everyone in my life, God spoke through her and boy was it loud. I think many people realized a lot today and for me I also realized why I was struggling. So what's my confession? I have been struggling with knowing that not every person I look up to is going to let me down, so to say. That there are a few ladies in my life that enjoy who I am and they can help me realize what to love about myself.

My meaning of Mother's Day today: I'm grateful,blessed and encouraged because I have so many mothers in Christ!

Hmmm... My last few post haven't really been, well creative. At like all. My words of creativity have all gone, well for now anyways.  All I really have to say anymore is that life is what you make out of it. I could go on and on with examples, or maybe just memories but really who has time? Just take my word for it this one time that life really is what you make out of it. Hope that you are making the best out of it, and maybe,just maybe, I might have something that is creative next time. Love you all, and thanks for not completely walking away from the blog.

Blessings,

Realize Part:2

I know how crazy my last post sounded. All I asked was if you ever realized how much children wanted to learn. I asked  you to listen to children's questions, so did you? I never really noticed what type of questions children asked until I was babysitting last week.

The kids and I, were making crafts. It might have just been the craziest thing I ever did, I had fun! What was that craziness, well the kids were bored and it was kinda cold outside. Instead of finding something easy and simple to do, I thought it would be fun to make pet rocks. It was something I did in 5th grade for a science project. The oldest two had SO much fun with it, but the oldest, Luke, sent many questions my way. He wanted to know how the hot glue gun worked and why it was so hot. He wanted to know how that happened and this happen. I realized that he was asking questions that I had never really asked. Luke was asking questions that he might need answers to later in life.

Little Miss Sarah, the middle child, was asking questions about me. Like why I never call my mom just my dad. Of course when I asked with that she didn't have a phone where she was, both Luke and Sarah wanted to know why. Sarah made comments like she had only seen my dad and never my mom, then questioned why. I really don't know how to answer her questions without it bring up even more questions. Sarah was asking questions about my life, so she could understand me better, maybe.

Naomi, the youngest, all of her questions were about what was going to happen that night. If I was putting them to bed, if they had to take a bath, if we could do three little monkeys and things about what was going to happen very soon. I found it really surprising that all three of them kept asking questions but each question was as different as they were. But at the same time each question they asked fell into a certain group, more of a style of question I guess.

The passed few days, I have been realizing that we ALL have a certain type of style of questions that we ask. Most of my questions are sarcastic and when they aren't, I am asking things like: when,why,who,where and is everything okay. I never really ask how this works or why that works.  In what ways do you question?

Realize Part:1

Ever notice how much children want to learn? They want to know how things work and why they do those things. I love how sometimes they can't explain what their question is until you help them. Although while you're trying to help them, you don't really know what you're helping with.
 
Just pay attention to the questions they ask and you will see :)
  \

Time,Choices, and Boys ( oh my!)

Life passes by way,WAY too fast. Being just a teen, I realize this more all the time and at the moment feel really old. I know, I'm not that old and don't know what old really means but so much has changed in such a small amount in time.

This time last year, I was just accepting that I needed to break it off with this boy and questioning whether or not I was ready to be baptized. Well, I was also looking for God and knowing that God can make everything better. For the first time I followed some one's advice, which was some really, really great advice. I was a totally different person and I'm glad that I have changed. I ended up getting baptized on April 24th, and I was extremely nervous.

As the months went on, I found a great mentor. Who lead me to an other great mentor, although my first real mentor, I hardly ever know what to say when I see her. I'm always worried that I wont say the right thing or that I will just say something incredible stupid, so I really don't say anything to her. Silly, I know but anyways, I changed in four months and really started following Christ. I made a really huge mistake about five months ago, that has forever changed my life. Through the last four months, I have been trying to forgive myself for it and I can gladly say that I did less than a month ago.

Through this one year, I have been very blessed to meet some amazing people, kids, and face great opportunities. Since my heartbreak from last year, I have found that all I need is Jesus but that hope for a family has been placed in God's hands. I have learned so much from teaching and from really great friends/mentors, but I still have so much more to learn.

  The feeling of having to explain myself almost always comes when I have to face something I want to avoid. One of those times came tonight, I have been avoiding a boy. This boy is funny and I really, really liked him a year ago, but we had a falling out and hadn't talked for months. A completely different girl fell for this boy and I am not that same silly little girl anymore nor do I ever want to be her. Long story short, I saw him and hoped that he wasn't going to where I needed to be, but of course, did. Cowardly, I hid from him behind someone I knew and didn't realize who she was talking to. Well, it happened that who I was hiding behind was a friend/mentor and the person she was talking to was someone I was/am close to. I almost laughed because I remembered something she once told me. It was something like,Okay you know you know but when you come to me or Georgia with boy problems, we are going to tell you to pray about it. Was I praying about this boy? No not really. When I did pray about it was I praying for the right things? No I don't think so. Is this boy marriage material? No, not with what the Bible says. So why am I even bothering with these feelings? Simply because I am a young woman who isn't all that focused on God.

  After they were done talking I felt like I had to explain why I was trying to hide. Of course, it turned into a great conversation, but my feelings for him became more confusing. I know, I know I wont ever marry this boy nor will we ever be really good friends but I still want to talk to him and hang out with him.
        Its funny how much time I am not using for God. Even just hanging out, I can bring up God but there are some people I am fearful about talking about it. That boy is one of those people and its not good.

Here I am going on and on about nothing and most of it is about a boy. What is this CRAZINESS!?!?! I must say that I am struggling with a few things and I really don't want to talk about them, with anyone. I am doing a bible study with a friend, and it starts tomorrow. Being nervous about it isn't what I thought I would feel about it but it is about relationships. The one thing that has been on my struggling list the past two weeks and now I get to see who else has this problem. Hoping and praying it all goes well.

    Choices. We all have to face them each and everyday and I don't like making a decision on choices I'm given. You can ask just about anyone that knows me, and when I do make a decision I am not always the happiest about it. I prefer someone else to make the decision because that way I know what they want, and know that they are happy about it.  Well, a few choices have been throw at my life and I am not really looking forward to making those decisions. One being that I have to choose to go to Texas or not and I am almost voting for not. The second but maybe biggest choice I have is to either go on a mission trip for a few days during summer or teaching at a camp for kids. I really want to do both but I am going to avoid making that choice until the very last second.


 Hope all is well for everyone of you, thanks for reading.

   Lots of love,
            CarissaGrace

Rapidly Changing

My life and heart is rapidly changing and I really can't stop it. I don't want to either, because with each moment a lesson is learned or just being lived. I've took sometime off of my every week route and it has took a ton of effort but was worth every ounce.

 I've noticed that I don't hang out with my friends because I am babysitting or teaching. I've missed a lot of amazing times because I just wanted to be the best I could be during though times, well my youth minister gave some great advice that worked. Crazy how it works when you listen huh?!? Well the advice was, that if the kids give me energy and help me then I should hang out with my friends and not let that get in the way. This month I am teaching Kindergarten through 2nd and I didn't sleep at all Saturday night because I couldn't stop thinking. My youth minister was right, and the kids just made almost everything better while prayer and hanging out with friends made everything else better.

  I hung out with two friends for two days about an hour from where I live, and it was such a nice break. Just to be some where that I don't or haven't spent a ton of time and don't really know that many people who live there. God showed me how much the little moments matter, and boy do they matter. Only twice or maybe three times, since I've gotten my cell phone have I not been on it at least five times a day. Both times I was away from home, getting to know people I've never met and enjoying the little moments. Guess I should take in everything more in person than through my cell.

 Being a teenage girl in the worldly-world, its hard not to have a boyfriend sometimes. I'm not the only to struggle with this. My friend Nikki and I are starting a Bible Study on a book I was given for Christmas this past year. Its called Lady in Waiting by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones. Its such a great book, and has made a deep impression on my heart. Its about becoming Mrs.Right when you're waiting for Mr.Right, all the while helping you put Christ first in your life. Its a great book for any Christian women, and with the Bible Study I get to create better friendships.

  Music, every type of music has been played in my iTunes this past week. All Christian but Christian in every form has been played. I don't really know why I have been listening to so much music, because even in my sleep I'm listening to Christian Rap and Rock. I'm enjoying it though, because some things I can't say are right there in song. Andrea, an amazing women who has change my life, posted Lead Me by Sanctus Real on her blog the other day. I have heard this song many times but haven't really noticed it, I guess. Well maybe it was from all the husband talk over the two days I hung out with my two friends or if it was the Bible Study but I really listened to it this time. It really has a great meaning to it, and hopefully Sanctus Real will play it when they come to Night Vision this summer.

  I know I keep going from this to that but I am super hyper and ready to write. I heard this song on Pandora a few months ago and has become one of my favorite songs.  Its Thank You by 33Miles, and it really says everything I have to say right now. Just thanking God for everything and putting Him first before anything. I love you all and thank you.

Blessings : )
       

A glimpse of Heaven

The Love of my life right now at this very second is Jesus!

This past Sunday, I was having a hard time. Well nothing was going right and I called some one and asked  if they could take me to church. I was so nervous when I was on the phone that I was shaking, which was weird because the person I was talking to is the person I am closest with. Being so bitter at that moment, I vented at them. I felt so horrible because she had a much harder week to deal with than I did, I'm pretty sure anyways... Well, she prayed for me and then everything got better as the day went on.

Its really amazing on how a single prayer changes everything even if it takes time. God has this way of making everything better through Bible Stories, worship, His word and for me, through children a lot of the time. We couldn't ask for more love or more acceptance that God gives us all. I realized a lot of things I need to do in my life from the last three days.

So I should start by saying that God showed me a small glimpse of heaven on Sunday morning. I just got done teaching and was going to church. I walked outside and of course I saw two little children that have changed my life forever. Ky-Ky and Creidey were racing I think, and I saw both of them. Ky and I ran towards each other with open arms and I hugged him and spun around. I hugged Creidey and walked with them to check-in. I was just going to leave them and go to church but Creide with his blue eyes asked if I could go with them. I could never say no to any of those kids if it was/is a simple request. I walked hand-in-hand with Creide and it felt so nice to be with the kids again.

 As I walked to church, I realized something very big in those little moments; God was showing me what Heaven was going to be like, a very,very, extremely small feeling of what it was going to be like to be with Jesus. I realized that some day I would be running into the arms of my Saviour and I would be walking hand-in-hand with Him. One of the greatest parts about it though, was that it was sunny during that time and after church it was raining and really windy. God not only has perfect timing, but He will gladly show you He does.

I have lots to say and one of them is that I am sorry I haven't posted anything for a week or so. I couldn't write anything for what seem like ever but that has given me a ton of time to catch up with friends. A bitter-sweet I guess you could say.

I love you all and hope that everything goes well.

      Blessing,
       

Working on the Heart, Soul, Mind and Body: Part 6

This is my last post on Working on the Heart, Soul, Mind, and Body.

Well, on our drive back to Montrose, it was kinda quiet. Georgia and I talked about a ton of things but there were many more pauses that I noticed this time around. We stopped in Glenwood Springs, at the same place where we stopped on our way to and from Dare 2 Share I might add. While we were there, I called a few friends and asked how one was doing and the other to tell another friend happy birthday for me. As we were checking out, I paid. Georgia was not too happy about this what so ever! So told me that she was the adult and I responded with something like I'm the teen rebelling.

When we were outside, she glared at me. It wasn't like a bad glare but it was a glare like why did you do that?!? I've been glared at many times in my life, but never did I feel guilty until then. I actually felt horrible for paying for something. It bugged me that she was so upset over me paying though, and I really don't know why I felt horrible that I paid.  So as we went on with the trip, it was really quiet. I just had to say something though, and it was about what had happened. She said that it was kind and other stuff. The way  I see it though, is that it really isn't kind, I mean it is with someone else but not this time.

  Everything that she has done and her family has done and the trip to Evergreen and everything, to pay for a few drinks and snacks was nothing compared to everything they do for me. Besides, it wasn't half of how much she's over paid me, and that's what bugs me more than anything. Its being over paid and then being told that I wasn't. LOL I know what teen complains about getting money. Well, I am just one of those weird teens that really cares about lots of stuff. 

I didn't tell Georgia why I paid, and I didn't say why it wasn't kind. I really don't know why I paid, for the most part its because I like paying and no one ever lets me pay. Why I didn't say why I didn't think it was kind? Who only God knows. I just feel like I did something I knew was right but at the same time, I feel like I did something wrong. I'm pretty sure I didn't, but at the same time I don't know. I just wish that I was at peace with knowing I did the right thing or not. Should I have just let Georgia pay and know that I could have or did I do the right thing and pay because I just have this thing about paying sometimes????

Love you all and thank you,
         CarissaGrace

Working on the Heart,Soul, Mind, and Body: Part 5

I know this is quite a long blog post thing but I could have just written it all on one post but it would have been forever long, this I know.

After the party was over and everyone was gone, some of us stayed up talking. Some of us that I was talking to would be Jen,Georgia, and Ashley. I think we talked more about boys and God than anything else, oh and drama that silly boys cause. It was weird just how I felt so comfortable to open up to Jen and Ashley, I like never do that. But God has a way to let me know its okay. Jen was giving me advice that I've already been told but it was still nice because I got to see it again and how I can change my life once more to follow the advice given.

Talking to these people for about an hour if not longer and I final asked Jen a question when Georgia and Ashley were talking. It was about the girl I prayed for. She knew her much better than I did and will for all I know. Jen made a lot of sense which I'm not really surprised at but then again I kinda am. Jen is really smart and just seems to be a down to earth person that you can talk to, and I just feel comfortable talking to. So when she was able to help me understand more about what was going on and just understand more with a few other things, I just felt like I've known her for a very long time. Really though I've only know her a few days.

Ashley,Jen and I talked for a while longer and it just was great. I never really get to talk to other girls besides Georgia and Andrea, and I really haven't talked to Andrea in like two almost three months.  I enjoyed getting to know both of them on a different level too. We talked about so many different things and by the time Ashley and I went to bed I was just happy with the fact that I came. I was before but I really didn't think I had learned everything God had wanted me to but I felt a little bit better by the time we were laying in bed talking with Heather.

When we were talking before sleep it was a little more in depth than it was the night before. I don't think we laughed and giggled at all but talked more about their youth group and things that have happened in their life. One thing we talked about is prayer. I asked if they felt weird when people asked to pray over them, because I was still worried that I had done something wrong. Well they both gave their answers, but I don't think I have the right to share. It kinda surprised me but then again it really didn't.  I thought about when I first accepted Jesus and I thought it was weird to have people pray over me and now I am used to and enjoy it.

In the morning, I was almost the last one up. So I got dressed and brushed my teeth, when I got up stairs everyone was awake except the two grandparents. I sat down to eat but was still kinda dazed, when Jen started asking me questions. It wasn't difficult questions, but it was like what I wanted to eat. I had no idea so she made it easier to answer, plate or bowl. Well, I really didn't care so I choose what she said first plate. I heard Georgia say something like, "I will let you ask all the questions." I really don't remember exactly what she said, so the next question was so do you want french toast. I said sure or yes please or something like that. So french toast it was and then Jen passed the strawberries, and told me to take some. Not really asking anymore. She gave me some choices of things to drink and Natalie added in water to the list. I said fine water and was going to get it but one of their Aunts got it for me. I felt horrible because everyone was getting things for me. I hate feeling like I'm a burden on people's lives.

We all just kinda hung out after breakfast, most of it was because we were tired I think and the fact that we were leaving too. It was nice just to be there but I also knew that we were leaving and felt like I was going to cry most of the morning. It was Heather's actual birthday so of course, there was her birthday spanking for everyone and it was really funny.

During slide shows of/for the girls, I started tearing up and had to turn around to get a hold of myself. I didn't want to leave but knew I had to. Once I finally got everything together, I turned around and wanted to start crying again. I was like Uh-no! You can't, no, you just can't, not today. Right before we left, I said my goodbyes and it was so hard not to cry. I am really bad at goodbyes but since I felt like I've known them forever and it was really only two days before when I first met them, it just made it worse.

Heather was the first to cry and it was so so so extremely hard not to cry with her. As we walked outside, I got this really unnerving feeling in my stomach like I was just leaving home for the first day of high school. I hugged everyone goodbye again and felt like I was loosing control of the tears. I got in the van and couldn't look at everyone as we left. I was now crying and just didn't want to leave. I was able to stop the tears enough to realize that this wont be the last time I see them. And everything was just better.

In the three days that I was there, I grew to love each one of them and it felt as if they were family. They are family, they are part of God's family. It seems so strange to know that it was hard to leave but at the same time it doesn't. So on the way back home, I thought about what everyone did to change my life and just help me grow with God.I also thought about how I need to work on the relationship I have with God. By joining a bible study or something, but I always feel weird when I'm the only teen and everyone else is like way older. So Georgia and I talked about that for a while and she mentioned that I could even lead a bible study because teens have so much power to change the world. For we aren't married and have children, we really only have school to worry about as in times and stuff.

We made it back into town just in time for youth group. One amazing thing about God is that He has the best timing ever! So, normal we would have been worshiping at 6:18, but since the person doing worship got sick, three teens stepped up to do it and they were doing worship. Luke and Sarah had to use the restroom, so it was great timing that nothing went as planned.

I talked to an old friend of mine named Amber when I first saw her, and then it was time for worship. We were asked if we had talked to anyone new there tonight. I could have said yes but didn't so I talked to two other new people and learned that one of them I went to school with and the other was his sister.

The message was so what I needed. It was about what the soul needs to grow. Prayer,Fellowship, Worship, and the Word was what it was about. After Jason's message, we broke into small groups and we, the highschoolers lead it. I was really happy and just thrilled to be back at the Grove. I told the group I was with that we should pray first and then Jason told us that it would be a good idea to pray first.

The questions we were asked and answered really helped me. I was real the whole time and I think it helped some of the others know that its okay to mess up and fail. Since we had two of the new people there, I tried to get them talking with out it being an on the spot type thing. I connected with one of the girls in our group. Her name is Morgan, and I've been looking for an equal friendship with Christ-like girls and she said she was too. So we got each others numbers and I think we are meeting this Sunday.

Meeting this Sunday with Morgan and Nikki, plus two other girls and we are going to make it kinda like a small group or bible study with fellowship. So reading the bible, sharing our struggles and playing cards sounds like we are changing the Body of the youth group a little. Its just a start but doesn't everything start out small and get bigger with time?

Working on the Heart, Soul, Mind, and Body : Part 4

Through out the whole day on Saturday, I kept asking myself if I would have gone back to the Axis youth group stuff. I thought and thought and I really thought. I came to the conclusion that I would go back twice and if I didn't see anything different choices like the one time I went to FNL then I wouldn't go back. I might just have been there the one night that it wasn't good but maybe the next time would be better. I'm sure that's how it is for some people at the Grove.

Nothing else besides the party and hanging out with everyone really exciting happened. At the Birthday party, which was for Ashley's Sixteenth and Heather's fourteenth birthday, was quite umm... wild and crazy but wonderful.

 I broke out of my shell once again and talked to people I didn't know. I found myself actually talking to these people and getting to know them. I kept asking why they go to the Journey (the name of the church) or to Axis. I think everyone was surprised when I asked, like they aren't asked that often. I also found out a bunch of other stuff that I was shocked by. Shocked in a good way, and thought it was very interesting about some of the things these teens told me.

It was the first time I have ever had a marsh mellow fight and the first time in almost two years that I've danced like I did. The marsh mellow fight was so much fun and it was pretty crazy too. We were all in the woods blowing marsh mellows at each other and some of us, not me, but would hold marsh mellows in their mouths and then blow them out. GROOOOOOOSS! You would know if you were hit by one of those because it would stick to you and you would be covered in slobber. I don't even know how long we did that but we did for what seemed like ever but it was a good type of ever. I ended up giving up because I was just too thirsty to keep blowing the marsh mellows, and besides the fact that I dislike the taste of them too.

While inside, I was talking to two teens and really got to know them. Well as best as I could before everyone else came back inside. I think the adult, Luke and Sarah had more fun than anyone else did. I don't even know who stayed outside the longest but I think they were pretty close to the last ones. When everyone was back inside we played "Apples to Apples". It was a first for me, and it was quite funny I think. Sarah had fun helping me choose which one to pick.

During the last dance session, a girl who I had spent some time with that night came and sat down on the couch next to me.  Luke was getting tired and was sitting on my lap. Well, she just seemed different not like her bubbly self. I asked if everything was okay and she told me what happen or was happening. I really felt like God was telling me to pray for her. So I asked if I could and she said okay but its not the big of a deal. I stated a few things and I felt a little bit better about asking to pray for her. So I did and afterwards I wondered if I did the right thing. I mean prayer is always good but I asked to pray for someone I didn't really know and she seemed unease by it. I almost felt like I had done something wrong.

Later when everyone was leaving, I hugged a few of them saying goodbye and knowing that God has a plan for everything that happened that night. I didn't really know anyone that I hugged, I just knew them from what happened at the party and talking to them. I was comfortable with it as they were too. I just love how God works that way. Its always funny to me just how God works. I enjoy it but its weird sometimes, just like His perfect timing.

Working on the Heart,Soul, Mind, and Body : Part 3

As we got back to the house, I realized that there were a few more cars than there had been. Ashley's grandparents and second Aunt was now there too. I was so tired and I think most of it was just from the drive and the spiritual growth. I know it doesn't seem like that much work to work on your faith and your relationship with God but it is. Its still weird that I was tired though, because most nights I stay up till at least 2 or 3 in the morning and don't actually get tired but know I have to sleep. It was only like 11 when we got back from FNL.

 I like to stand sometimes, even when I know I can sit down. It helps me think and I also notice the little things in the room or in a person. Well, Jen or Mrs. Jen, or Mrs. Larson whatever you want to call her, kept trying to get me to eat and I just kept saying, " No, thank you. I'm fine."  It was kinda funny, because she just wouldn't stop.Finally she told me to sit down and I, of course,  said," I'm okay thank you." But was told by Jen," I don't bite, unless you ask me to." I sat down between Jen and Georgia. As I sat down, I just become at peace with everything. I was comfortable in the house and with the people around me, I knew that I could trust the people God had placed in my life. I know I got all this from sitting down, how crazy can I be?

Its hard for me to trust people and be comfortable with everything. So when I was, it was just such a big step in my life, I guess you could say.  I listened to all the conversations going on, the sounds of nature going on outside, the dogs paws on the wood floor and I fell asleep. You know how when your sleeping and then someone says the word sleep and its like you just wake up? That's what happened, I was sleeping I guess and Jen said sleep and the next thing I know Georgia isn't sitting next to me and Jen is looking at pictures on the computer. I thought it was kinda weird that I would just fall asleep like that because most of the time I would have never ever done that and if I did would apologize many many times. I didn't though, I just went with it.

Where was I going to be sleeping for two nights? In Ashley's room with Heather,Livy, and of course Ashley. When I went to get ready for bed, Heather was sitting on the bed and we started talking. Then Livy came in and the three of us were talking, and then the last one of us came in and we all were talking. After we all were in bed, I felt like we were the girls from The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants which is a movie but it was a book first and many books really.  I could see how we all fit their personalities and just see how our friendships are kinda the same. So I let the girls know that's what I felt like and we all laughed and giggled. Being girls, kinda like a sleepover type thing, we talked and talked while laughing and giggling and just being too tired to sleep. Once it was quiet though, we all fell into sleep.

It was the first time in I don't even know how long , that when I was asleep and dreamed that it wasn't a nightmare, it was a weird creepy dream but it was funny not scary. I think it was because I was able to really see God again and know that God was taking place in my life. I know God is always working in my life but I don't always see how big certain things play part in my life. Since I was able to really see everything God has been doing though, it made it easier to know that He has what's best.


The next morning was crazy but fun. There was the crazy breakfast that was pretty awesome though, and then just hanging out with everyone for a while. Georgia was going to go see her friend and invited me to come along. I knew that I wasn't going to find much to say during the visit but I also knew that Ashley would probably want to spend some time with the kids alone. I went and found it quite interesting,really.  One thing that really stuck through all of the conversations is that she said that people refer to a soda as a coke. It went with just everything else she was saying but later on the next day someone said that some one's coke was sitting on the TV and then said that it was a Dr.Pepper. I just found it funny.

Working on the Heart,Soul, Mind, and Body: Part 2

As we final arrived at Comicsons' (a nickname for the family that I spent the weekend with) I had a killer headache and a prayer to help me get through the weekend. I have been praying for God to take me out of my comfort zone and help me be better at bringing up God in conversations. Once I was taken away from everything I know and love, I wasn't so sure if I wanted my prayer to be answered.

I had gone to Ashley's (a friend of a friend) Sixteenth birthday party, which is about five hours away from where I live. I had been getting to know Ashley but it was through emails and what not. Well, for this party I would be spending three days, sort of, with her family and friends. I wasn't ready what so ever but its where I was suppose to be.

I was there hanging out with Ashley, Heather ( Ashley's sister), Natalie ( other sister), and all the cousins. There was a total of 17 people, five dogs, a fish and a cat all under the same roof. The first night we were the, which was a Friday, their youth group had a movie night. They called it FNL for Friday Night Live. When we first got to the church, I was a little nervous, who wouldn't be though? I was with people I had just met hours before and now I was in a place that was filled with people I didn't know and was five hours away from my comfort zone it felt like. Being there for about 45 minutes to an hour, I was tired of not talking to tons of people and laughing and enjoying this time to be able to fellowship. Livy ( a cousin of Ashley's) and I had been keeping to ourselves for the most part and talking to each other. Every once in a while one of the Comicson girls would come and check on us, kind of anyway, and it was super sweet.

I finally convinced myself to rely on God to help me through my trouble, which was being shy.  The only thing in the whole room that I recognized was Foosball. There were two tables and different types of people playing them. One table had older kids like Junior/Seniors and the other had what looked like Middle Schoolers. I just walked off and went to play Foosball with the older kids. I was sorta nervous about walking over there but was almost laughing because I am truly the worst person at foosball ever.  It was like, "okay God, do you want me to connect with these teens or work on my Foosball skills." It happened to be both. I kept score for the first two games and then was not really asked but told to play. It was girls against boys and it was close for a while but the boys won. Ashley and Heather kept coming over to talk with me and stuff.

I noticed that Livy was talking to a few people but she was staying close to the people she knew, which was not bad at all. If it wasn't for God, I would have been following the people I knew like a lost puppy dog. I also noticed that a game of Ninja was about to start. Ninja is a game we play often at the Grove and is fairly easy to play and to get to know people. Well, I didn't know that they played theirs a little different. At the Grove you can't move out of the circle, your turn in one fluent motion and if one hand gets hit your out. The Axis youth group played the rules differently. You can move out of the circle, not everyone made just one move and you had to get both hands hit in order to be out. I played one round and have gotten to be one of the last two standing once and it was not this game.

Afterwards, Ashley waved me over to listen to one of her friends singing and playing guitar. She had such a beautiful voice and played quite well. I remembered Nikki and missed her more than I normally do during any given week. I went back to playing Foosball, but this time the best player there helped me. This person that helped me is like the best player ever and was now helping me. I was smiling, even though losing, because God found a way from me to connect with the teens and help my awesome skills, even though I'm still horrible at Foosball.

The movie they played was "Oceans 12" and I wasn't too thrilled when I first heard that it was that movie but told kept telling myself to have an open mind. Being that  there was at least an eight year old there and younger kids, I was almost blowing my top anger. I really wanted to ask their youth minister why he would even think about playing that movie. I never did and wish I had but I was really upset with it. I noticed that there wasn't any prayer said before everyone hung out or anything. A few of the leaders didn't even know that I was new, which I thought was odd. But they did have a fun game they did which was why I think they choose the movie.

Seeing how they did things and then how the Grove does things really changed my heart. I've heard that a group of kids playing video games and stuff isn't a youth group even if they call themselves a youth group. Yes they are a group of youth together but they aren't doing for God. I never really paid much attention to a group of kids playing games or a group of kids learning about God. After seeing the first scene of the movie, I was like really?!?!? You are going to play this in a church for a so called youth group?!?  Even when the Grove just hangs out, also know as fellowship, we pray and talk about God. I don't think I heard anyone speak about God while I was there but then again I don't think I really talked about Him either.

Really trying to not let this movie get to me, I thought about the Grove a lot and just how we do things. Jason does so much for us all and the way he does youth group is so great but I would have never realized it if I didn't change something in my life. Well, you could tell that no one wanted to watch the movie and I knew of at least one person who fell asleep during it. When the movie was over, you could hear everyone complain about it and how it was a poor, boring choice. I was still anger but tried to let it go. Although this one question came to mind that really helped knowing I wouldn't be there forever," Well you not looking for a youth group but if you were, would you come back after tonight?"

Working on the Heart,Soul,Mind, and Body : Part 1

So I have to go all the way back to Wednesday for most of this to make sense, which means I will have a ton to write about.


Well as most of you know, I had CSAPs for two days. CSAPs are hours upon hours of testing to see how well the school and state are doing. After you are finished with your test, everyone else has to be too and you still have to sit quietly. There is no writing after you are done with the test session and no talking and blah, blah, blah. Our whole group would finish in 30 minutes tops which means, we sat still for 30 minutes and then afterwards had a break of ten minutes. It was not only killing me but also everyone else.

 After all my test sessions, I would read, A Lady in Waiting , which I received for Christmas and its really about being happy with just God in your life and not some guy. Well there were some parts that I couldn't help but laugh at some parts, or feel really awkward because this guy was sitting next to me during some parts of the book that was just... too weird to read next to him. While reading this book, I realized how much drama I caused myself and how much time and effort I would have saved if I listened to God's way. I also thought about everyone who has really tried to get me to listen to God's way, and how many times I said I know but didn't follow God's way like I should have.

I really felt like I should say thank you to all those people but haven't gotten around to all of them yet. Well the first person on my mental check list was Andrea. I sent her a text at lunch time Thursday, the only time I could have my phone, and soon after had to hand it back in until the end of the day. Once I got it back, I of course didn't expect her to reply but she did. I miss read her text and thought she said I said your welcome. It didn't... I still feel silly about it, anyway after that I thanked her husband,Jason, and today Georgia.

Thursday Night was so amazing that I don't even have words to explain it. A good way to start would be that I have been or was struggling with boys for one, two is not listening to God, and three would be getting out of my group so to say. Its not that I really struggle with boys but in a way I do, I can't be really good friends with a guy because then he just tells me that he like, likes me. I find it easier to connect with boys and non-Christians that I do anyone else. Well, besides people older than me. Two, I haven't really been seeking God the last month, I mean I kinda have been but not with my whole heart. Three, I talk to almost everyone at youth group sometimes but besides being in a place that I know and am comfortable in, I am really extremely shy.

Being a night of fellowship and worship with a youth group from a different state, I knew I had to put myself out there to get to know people. Did I, nope not really. I mainly stayed with the people I was around and knew. This other youth group lead the whole thing and I thought it was just really amazing. I wondered if the Grove was ready for a challenge like that, I would hope so. As the night went on, I found God picking things in my heart that I knew really needed to be worked on. What a true blessing that was, and is.

When I got home, I forgot all about what was going to happen the next day. I was leaving for a three maybe four day trip and it was with people I didn't even know. Friday morning, I started to write my essay for the Discipleship Training, well about five minutes in, I get a phone call from Georgia saying she's going to drop of her youngest. I had to pack, finish the essay, and make sure I wasn't forgetting anything. I got it all done in 23 minutes. It was just in time for Georgia to show up to  pick me up, to start on the weekend trip.

I was once told that a long drive was good for conversations. Well, that is very true but its also a great time to reflect. I thought a lot about God and everything else. Our conversation were sometimes short, other times long, and once in a while there was no talking at all. I thought more about what I felt going on this trip than anything else. I was worried about it and also very nervous. I had never met these people, I was a shy person anyways, and there was a chance of me missing out on hanging out with some friends and youth group. It was to the point where I almost didn't want to go, but there was really no reason that I shouldn't.

Knowing that God would be there the entire time and helping me through everything, I knew I would be going. Thinking about those things during the drive, made it harder and harder to be at ease with the fact that I wouldn't be around people I knew or in a place that I knew. I started getting a headache then it went away.  As we creeped closer and closer, my headache came back. It got worse with each mile and turn we took, a lot of it was the fact that I couldn't give all my worries and anxiety to God.

Resting in God

So the most amazing things have happened today, well not the most but some pretty amazing things.

 I didn't go to sleep until four this morning, because I was listening to Christian rap and Christian punk. Since Sunday after a really great friend had me listen to this Christian rap song, I have been exploring other Christian music types. I found that listening to others talk about God, I felt a little bit at ease.  I only got about three hours of sleep but it was worth it.

I had a rough start this morning because of my staying up late but it was what I needed. I know I sound crazy but its true. If I wasn't so exhausted, the last two days, then I wouldn't have found out so many things. Like how I always have a choice to choose what to do, and lately I've been making some wrong choices. I have been almost like avoiding God and my friendships. I need to fully focus on God and then work on everything else.

Through this blessing of being tired, I have realized that I have been disobeying God by not listening to Him. I got this book for Christmas called, Lady in Waiting, and its such a good book about dating and God really. Well, I read it for the first month that I had it and haven't picked it up since. For CSAPs though, I needed something to read after I was finished with my test, I could have picked anything but something about that book just keep me thinking. I read that book every time I was done, and a lot of it just opened my eyes, things that I would have missed if I wasn't sleep deprived. Like, how I cause all this drama for myself because if I was focused on God I would have a LOT less drama. I also realized how much God loves me and how much the people in my life have changed me. It was so amazing just how God used these small things to make a big difference.

After CSAPs it started to rain and I was so tired and still have things I must do, but I went to a night of fellowship and worship. I debated whether or not to go, and I really needed to and didn't want to make an excuse not to go. I ate so chocolate, to get much need energy, and when I got to the Grove I couldn't have been more thrilled. It was a very amazing night because a youth group from Oklahoma was there and they did all the worship and everything. I think my favorite part was when we each got a post-it-card and wrote what we needed prayer for and afterward, put it in this box and got a different one. We prayed for the other person's needs. I know that my needs had been prayed for, I just felt at peace half way through worship.

The other youth that was there, I was so sad to see them go. I don't know most of them but I know that we all share the same love for God and am so excited to see my brothers and sisters in Christ be so in their faith. I was in awe at just how there was no drama and nothing but love for each other. I know that I will see them all again one day but until then, I know that our generation is changing the world, one heart at a time.

I feel so at peace right now, even though I still have a million things to do. I am so grateful that I was able to spend so much time with God the last few days and just rest in Him. I am so blessed to have such resources that I get to grow in my faith and expand what I know about God. I don't know very many of you and I'm sure of that. I would like to get to know each one of you and know how God has changed your life. Send me an email at CarissaGrace1@gmail.com if you want to.

Thank you all and I love you guys,
         CarissaGrace

Reaching for God

I've been admiring this picture for months now, it was taken by a six-year-old name Luke. It was completely random but I've wanted to share it for a while and think now is the best time.  It reminds me of how we are never allow and always have the chance to reach for God and Jesus. Jesus is the light and next to Him we are all darken with sin. But after we accept Christ we become free of our sin, if we ask for forgiveness. It maybe a silly picture but I don't know I just like this picture. I have had others say it has made an impression on their life forever. 

Busy Lives We All Lead

The next few days will be more than busy, I'm defiantly sure of it. I am trying to write an essay in which I have no idea how to start, I have eight/nine hours of testing for the next two days, a worship night on Thursday and everything else in life that must be done.

 Just thinking about everything that needs to be done, is kinda freaking me out. I think the hours upon hours of testing is what is causing the freak out though. It may seem really simple and stress-free but I think its one of the most stressful things about school. You have to take written tests,no talking, no passing notes, its not an option, you don't get the results back till the fall and this is the last year I have to take them, which means I have to take SATs and AC Ts. Plus after a day of CSAPs, you are so mental exhausted that I'm worried I wont have time to write my essay.

With everything going on and already being a day behind on the Love Challenge, I probably wont be posting the Love Day Challenge for at least the next week but will post some many people to catch up to where I need to be.  I might be blogging if something really amazing happens and with God something amazing happens almost everyday.
     I love you all and hope that you can all take a moment to Thank the Lord for every little thing He does for us :-)


God Bless,
          CarissaGrace

On a walk WITH God

Today as I went walking with three children, I realized what we all do for love. Or the ones we love I should say. While crossing the road so that they would be protected, just reminding them to stay closer to the white line, or asking them not to get to far ahead, I was reminded of how God does all these things. Giving us the ability to read the Bible, to go to church, to ask advice from someone we look up to, or even just the knowing of right and wrong.


As I was walking, pushing the two girls, and a six year old boy named Luke rode his bike, I was asked a question out of fear. Luke kept turning around to see if any cars were coming on the other lane, He said," When we were at Ashley's and were walking I got creeped out." I questioned why but Luke never said. I got the sense that he was afraid, not knowing why for we had gone on walks before.  We kept on going, Luke was now pushing his bike. Luke looked at me and asked," Carissa. What would you do if someone tried to run us over?" I really didn't know what to say, because if someone did I would not be a very nice person and probably would freak out, so to say. I told them that I would call the police and make sure that they would be okay. He questioned how, and I told them that I had my phone with me. Luke seemed worried, so kept asking about it. He then asked," What if they hurt us?" My response," Luke, I will never let that happen. I will protect you." Luke then replied," No, I will protect you."


That was the end of our conversation, but my mind went to God. How He protects us and just how the Lord makes everything better. Looking back I had to ask myself a very important question, what am I trying to protect myself from and not letting God protect me from it. I couldn't help but smile because this little boy has helped me so much in just asking getting me thinking and realizing huge questions.


After our wonderful walk, we came back to the house. I wanted to be outside because it was a really nice day for it being winter/spring. The kids went inside and turned on the T.V. I was like really, what is wrong this picture... oh right the sun is out and the movie should be off. I talked them into playing outside and it was really amazing. For weeks they have been treating each other ugly and just not being very nice, but while we were out in sun they were being the nicest kids ever. Luke and Sarah offered to push Naomi and Luke and Sarah were sharing. It was so cool to see what a little sunshine and lots of fresh air could do to all of our attitudes. We even ate outside and stayed and played out in the sun until it was all the way down.

Being out in the fresh air, it reminded me of what finding God in another way can do for us. I mean, I love worship and serving but when I find God in some other way like in our walk, then it just shows God in a whole new way. I love getting to know God in different ways and I think everyone does. Just knowing that God has this huge plan and when we find some other way to connect with God then we are accepting His plan just a little more.

Well I have much more to say but I should probably stop writing and boring you. Thanks for reading and love you all.

I have posted a Prayer Request page at the top next to the 120 day Love Challenge. If you have a prayer send me an email or just comment on it.


Love you and blessings,
    CarissaGrace

Struggling But Still Smiling

Where, O' where do I begin? Well, I might as well tell you that I am doing good but at the same time, I'm struggling. But God is just really showing up in my life, well I'm just noticing it more.

 I've taken a closer look at my life the last few days, and I noticed a lot of big things that I normally miss. Like how when something happened and I got upset but then God worked through someone in my life and just made me smile. Or the fact that I have been babysitting for years and I'm now just realizing how much kids have changed my life. There is tons and tons of stuff that I have been missing. Even now, I came to write the person of the love day challenge and I see that Andrea has some new posts. Which just made a smile and laugh come from deep,deep with in.

 So there's a lot of drama, hurt and confusion going on with me. Drama that I could have completely avoided if I would have listened to God better. Hurt because I wasn't following God like I should have. Confusion because I don't know what God wants me to do. Plus I keep crying and even now I want to cry because if I was just focusing on God none of this would have happened.

What I'm struggling with more than anything else though is what to do. Even yesterday after everything happened, I wanted to call a very insightful person but I fought with myself for two hours on it. My winning statement, " You gave your word that you would talk to her even if you can't just ask her to pray for you." Of course I couldn't stop crying, which I very much dislike doing in front of people, and I'm positively sure that was the first time she has ever heard me cry. Being who she is, we talked for one hour and thirteen minutes.Not knowing what to do was asking for advice, now its whether or not to meet with my youth minister and if I'm just over reacting.

With not knowing what to do, the enemy is just really attacting right now. Trying to find the truth through the lies has never been my strong point. Now with thinking I'm just over reacting, I don't think I should meet with my youth minister but I don't know what the truth is. Everything going on just makes me question a few other things.  Like who I am, who my friends are, should I keep teaching, should I stop going to the Grove, why didn't I see this coming, why haven't I been listening, am I a good person, am I a good influence, if not should I keep babysitting, should I do this or that and its really getting out of control. All I can do is pray and read the Bible, asking for God's help. I do know a few things though, like the fact thats I may not be a great influence but I don't see myself as a bad one, I defiantly want to keep babysitting, and I love teaching even if I'm not the greatest at it. So why would I stop doing the things I love and see God working in those areas of my life?

I think my biggest fear though, is that I am getting in the way of someone else's walk with God. I know its their choice to walk with God or not but it still feels like I am getting in the way. I know my heart hasn't at peace with anything since yesterday evening and its just hard and difficult to keep fighting with everything. All I want is to be me. Not have to tip-toe on eggshells while I'm doing it either. So if I am, how could I change that or how do I stop feeling like I am?

Happier, great things going on though (which is just God's perfectly amazing timing) I meet a new friend Ashley, and I'm reconnecting with some old ones. Ashley and I have so much in common its almost scary. She used to babysit some of the same kids I do now before they moved here. I'm not going to lie, it was kinda weird to talk to her at first because I didn't want her to think I was trying to take her place or anything. Although, I'm sure thats what it might of felt like at first. We had a conversation about it and got everything cleared up. See, I enjoy relationships (friendship types) and I think they are important. When I think I might be changing or getting in the way of one, I back off and try to work everything out. Ashley and I worked out some issues that needed to be fixed before we really got to know each other and God defiantly show us how. I've been looking for a very equal friendship. Don;t get me wrong I love my friends so much and I know they help me but I don't know just an equal friendship with someone my age I guess. Well, God did just that or at least it seems like it with Ashley so far. :)

  Old friends, well I guess not really old, but we all went to Dare2Share together. We all sat in the back on the way there and got to know each other. There was a picture taken of us and the five of are all showing who we are. I just got done posting them on FaceBook last week and tagged everyone. Serena, the newest one of the group, said she missed though times. As if it was 10 or 20 years ago?!?!? Since I have been feeling like showing lots and lots of love lately, we are all going to get together and just have fun. No clue when that is or not but as I read earlier tonight," Life is short." I read that on Andrea's blog.

I just feel like time is becoming shorter and shorter, which it is but we are all missing these really important moments. I think so anyways, I also think we all need to show down and enjoy life. For the next two days I have to sit through hours and hours of testing, but I'm still going to enjoy it because it is another chance to show God's love. I still have another chance to help spread God's Kingdom.

How can you slow your life down this week?


So since I keep bring up Andrea's blog and I just feel like I need to post the link so you can see how spectacular she,her writing and her walk are/is.
http://thegressmanfamily.blogspot.com/


Love you all and blessings,
      CarissaGrace