The SUCKY truths

As another week of school went by, I found myself losing more and more Strenght. I've fallen into temptation many times this week and I'm not proud of it. I've cussed, laughed at things that were unapproved, listened to music that lead me in the wrong directions, and I'm not refueling with God like I was the first two weeks. Today was honestly the first time I picked up my bible and read it in a week an half or so. Now I have a boyfriend and hardly know the guy! He's nice and sweet and believes in Jesus, I think, but it just doesn't feel like me.


All week I've watched and listened to people who call themselves Christians do everything that I did. All week it has been even hard to sit before God and ask for forgiveness because I know what I was doing was wrong but kept doing it anyways. From home to youth group and everything in between I'm just getting so tried of the drama, the lies, and all of the hurt. I'm just so tired of being strong and doing the right thing. Its just so hard.

The last few weeks I've been SO anger, and I'm finding that in my anger I'm walking away from God. I've been anger at my dad for countless reasons most of them really good reasons, I've been anger with school because they wont let me change my class to a higher level, and I've been anger with myself because I'm not giving it all to God and I haven't been walking the walk. I keep hearing all these amazing things about God and I know what I'm supposed to do, but I'm not always doing it. I know God healed my sickness last week when I couldn't do anything with out violently throwing up, and I prayed asking God to take it away. 15 minutes later I felt better and fell asleep. I know that was God because I had been sick like that for about 3 hours.

I just don't get why I'm so rebellious towards God. I pray every night and I know what God has done for me and I know how much he loves me but I'm still testing the life of sin in a way. Like the cussing, when I say a cuss word it leaves this bad taste in my mouth and its awful. SO why don't I stop? There's this one teacher that when he's talking to the class I can always think about God when he's talking and how what he's saying relates to my life with sin and my faith. He's never said anything about God really but he's just one of those people when you meet them, you know something about them is different.

I guess I feel guilty about everything I'm doing. I'm not on the God-side of things right now. As I've been told before, its black and white no gray areas when it comes to if it brings God glory or if it doesn't. I know I have to make some big life choices and right now one of them is how much time I spend with my friends, what music I listen to and what I'm going to do about this boy. I know there has to be lots of lines that wont ever be crossed but where do I draw these lines. I don't feel right breaking up with him, but I know it has to be a Godly relationship if this is going to happen.

Prayer requests:

Can you please pray for me and that I gt a better focus on God and keep on the path of God.

Can you please be praying for my Madre, my mentor, and her family. Her dad still needs lots of prayers and her mom of course. Her husband and children need prayer too.


Thank you