Will I ever be able to?

http://authspot.com/poetry/will-i-ever-be-able-to/    A poem, not the greatest one ever but its how I feel. Not completely but that okay for now.

I had a mistake and fell WAY,WAY short of the glory of God. I don’t know if I will ever be able to babysit kids or anything else. I can if the parents know and say I can. I want to watch these kids but I’m almost sure I wont ever be asked to watch them again. Oh well, it doesn’t matter but at the same time it does. I wont be hurt if I’m told no but I would just like to know.

I feel so much pain,
my heart couldn’t be trained
I just want to listen to the rain

The snow is here
I cry a tear
The voices start to appear

Everyone asks why I didn’t call
Thats when I feel so very small
When all I want to do is tell the wall

I can’t ever be perfect
I don’t want to dwell in the subject
I just can’t be the object

I just want to drop it
You all know I admit
I almost want to quit

Yes I made a mistake
And my heart does nothing more than break
I know I can’t unmake

No its not okay
I have spent many hours with God to pray
So please don’t push me away

God is so unfair
Jesus died for my sins, I’m aware
But why do I have the right to be an heir?

I can’t do anything but cry
Because I failed and gave it a try
and yet Jesus still forgives me, why?

I don’t understand anymore
You were and are all I adore
And yet I almost shut the door

I’m afraid
For I strayed
and Your love did not fade

I feel like I need to explain
For the thing I did that was insane
For all lost, could it ever be regained

Thats my fear
To never hold the things that were dear
The things that I gained this year

I know that I fall
And this time it wont ever be something small
But I know I can’t ever build up my stonewall

I think I can predict
that everyone will be very strict
So please just tell me the verdict?

I can understand if you don’t want me to watch your kids
I can understand if you never want me around
but please never hate me??