Some Truths

Well, the last few days have been interesting. Thursday at youth group, was pretty amazing. Most nights at The Grove, the youth group building, are great and amazing but this past Thursday was just really emotional and breathe taking, really. I've been going to youth group for a year now and I have only been there a few times when a truly emotional night happens. When I say emotional, I mean people really open up and show how the truly are feeling and everything. During worship is when I started breaking down my walls, it has always been the place where I meet God the most. I always listen to music while I write and when I read most of the time to. Its where I get to know God the most, because after I hear a song and I find the scripture that it came from I can remember it better. But while I was standing there I felt tears running down my face and I could hear the girls I was standing next to crying and I could hear others calling out to the Lord. I broke down crying, I just lost it. Someone said today that they didn't even think I cried because I was acting so happy. Just so every one knows I acted like the happiest, nothing can ever harm me, bubbly person when I am pushing what I really feel behind bars. Although sometimes when I am acting happy and everything I am actually happy. Its even hard for me to tell sometimes, you would think I would be able to tell if I was happy or not but sometimes I just don't know.

While I was crying, I started almost like yelling/singing the song we were singing. It was not really a song but it sure felt like it. It was a really amazing song and I don't really remember it all that much and it was only two verses. We sang them over and over and over. I couldn't of found anything else that would have helped me pray the prayer I truly needed to. The person leading worship did such a great job at helping us connect with the Lord, He has truly blessed her with that. I don't think there was one person who didn't cry, at least once anyways. At one point I couldn't even say anything because I was crying so hard. What started this crazy but amazingness is these few but powerful verses:

We were not made

to be bounded

by chains

Ask and you shall receive

I wanna be free

from everything
That keeps me

from loving You

It was something like that anyways. It was probably one of the most amazing things that I have gotten my most powerful prayers from. Silly could be. Crazy only if you don't believe God can do the impossible. Did God answer my prayer? He always does.


Friday, I spent the day with Georgia in Grand Junction, which is about an hour an half away from where we live. We had lunch with one of her friends that I met at the girls night out, last week. I was able to meet her two amazing daughters and their adorable, fluffy dog. I was kinda shy at first, like I always am when I first meet new people. After a few though I just got warmed up sorta. I will probably be shy the next time we meet for like five minutes but after that be more of my goofy,sarcastic, lovable self. We spent about two hours with them and then we went to do something else. Pushing time to pick up the kids that were in school, we stopped in Olathe so Georgia could drop off some stuff for the program. Its this place for girls that need to get over somethings, no idea but have some thoughts, that have children. There's only three; one in Denver, one in Utah and one in Olathe. After we dropped off the stuff we left to go to the kids from school. We went back, and I just really felt like God was pushing me to go inside. The older two kids didn't want to go in, I'm sort of a push over sometimes. Well, still feeling being pushed I stayed outside and played with the kids. I was asked if I wanted to go inside and I said," sure!" With out realizing it, and praise God I did. At first I was a little shy but not soon after was wanting to stay forever. There were so many little kids and people I could talk to about almost anything I'm sure. Georgia said, "Carissa's in heaven right now." If I was in heaven there most likely would have been more kids. I love kids and I really don't know why. People say I am a great teacher or that I am an amazing babysitter but I have no idea where they get these ideas from. I mean sure I play with the kids, I get their attention by not following the lesson plan exactly like I should, but I don't see what I do that is different from what other people do. It drives me crazy sometimes. But anyways... I was just really thrilled to be there, no idea why. I could have stayed there all day and still never have gotten enough of it.

I truly feel that God has something planned with that in my future like serving something like that. Maybe it was just that one encounter but I just had this overwhelming joy come over me when I finally listened to what God was telling me to do and went inside. Georgia's daughters would not let go of my hands, they were being extremely shy.

Well yesterday I taught once again this month and I asked some of the kids if their prayers had been answered. No a lot of them replied but Kylie, the girl who asked for her mom to come home safely, looked at me with wide eyes and a huge grin shaking her head yes. I asked if they would like it if I did that every week and they all said yes. So, this time I wrote them all down and like last time, there are some really deep prayers these children have. This weeks lesson or goal for the kids this week is to show kindness to everyone not just people we like. I always try to complete the goal myself, its good to relearn or to keep learning how to do stuff God's way. How I am going to complete this goal, well I told the kids that I would do a really, really fun craft with the kids I babysit. I have no idea what I am going to do yet because they are ages 6,5, and 2. I could do something with the older kids but I know the youngest will want to do it as well. So something they all can do but isn't a huge mess. I think I know what I might do, but not for sure. After I was done teaching, I went to the sermon. I really enjoyed the worship and the sermon was hilarious but really helpful. God really spoke through the pastor like God normally does.

I haven't been reading my bible the last month and today I picked up my Bible and started reading. I flipped the Bible open to a random page like I do when I don't know where to start. I was reading Mark 14:16. Since this weekends sermon was on Remembering God, I think God wanted me to read it. I kept reading and I came to where Peter had denied Jesus three times. When I read this it sent a single question flowing through my thoughts. How many times have I denied God's word and do I deny Him still?? When this question came to mind its not like I say God's not real I just listened to God when I needed to. When I wanted to is more like it. Well, I am going to tell everyone some truths that might change what you think of my faith but I need to do this.

The many truths:

1. I don't know why people think I have this amazing faith and love for God. Yes, I have faith in God and yes, I love God but I didn't go to youth group or church for a whole month because I was fighting my life of God against a life of the world.
2. I stopped reading my Bible because it made my home life easier to live.
3. I am supposed to stand and fight for God no matter what but when it comes to my family i compromise on which life to live.
4. When I write sometimes I write for God but other times I write just so I can think straight.
5. This is the second time I've written this post and this one isn't as good.
6. I fight with God some days because I forget what He's done for me
7. I often question if the life I'm living was worth having Jesus died for.
8. I don't pray as ofter as I should, I don't read my Bible every day now, and I don't know what God wants me to do with my life most of the time.
9. I hate making decisions because what I want is not what I can do. If that makes any sense.
10. I am more sarcastic when I'm fighting God.
11. A lot of the time I feel like I'm fighting for God but the other times I find myself sitting on the side lines asking which life would be easier and pray that I always choose God's way of life.
12. I was once told that I was an exception to living a Godly and worldly life and that everyone else has to fight a worldly life every day. Well, I was very angering about that because I struggle with that more than most people would or could ever guess.
13. Sometimes when I say, "I don't care," I actually truly do but what I want could cause lots of drama. (I'm talking about like spending the night or something like that, when it comes to food I truly don't care.)
14. I really dislike it when people try to pin something on their past. Your past may have affected the way you live but your past is your past and you make the choices that happen every day.
15. My favorite verse right now is "How can a young person stay pure? By obeying your word" Psalms 119:9 Because fighting the world everyday you have to remember why and what for.

I feel like sometimes when I blog, I'm not always telling the truth of how things in my life are really going. Things are always nice and perfect, most of the time they aren't all that good but I make things seem better than they are for myself. When I am pushing back my emotions, they still get through sometimes but I seem over the top happy when I am trying to hide all my emotions. Sometimes though I am over the top happy.
What to know any more truths about me send me an email.


Here are the kids prayers this week:

Sawyer- peace for his grandparents' deaths
Kylie- to do better on school work enough to get a 4 instead of a 1
E.P.- for the safety of her cat because she ran away
Destiny- to be able to complete this weeks goal and to be able to be kind every day
Emma- for her dads and dogs health
Kensie- for her teachers peace over her sisters death
Dane- for his grandpa's health
Dafine- for her friend Adel who had a heart attack


Blessings be to you and may you see God every where you look.

CarissaGrace