Changing

I have been going through, well i don't even know what you would call it. While going through this whatever it is, I have pulled myself away from who I am, in a way.

 So this whole thing started about two Fridays ago. When I was in Grand Junction with Georgia. I had had this feeling like something was going to happen but didn't know what. It had become even strong over that day. A few other weird things have happened since then which makes me worry in someways. When I'm over emotional, I tend not to eat at like all. Then of course while I'm deep in thought about why I'm emotional, I almost stop talking all together most of the time. This past Thursday I had spent the night with a mentor I guess you could say. While there and after the children were in bed, we talked. More like me listening and saying a word once in a while and asking a question or two. I have NO idea why people say a lot of the things they do about me because I don't understand where they get these ideas that I am devoted or tons of stuff they say. Sitting there, just listening, I had to ask a question. I don't really remember what was said before my question or what my question was exactly but I do remember very clearly what was said after that. I'm sure it was like way after but it made complete sense to me. She said," I know what its like to see what everything is said about you written on like this board over here" ( she made an invisible board on her left side) " To think yea I can see some of those things in me but to also know what is written on this board ( an invisible board on the right side) and feeling like you are one but pretending to be the other just not really sure which one you truly are."  Boy, was she right! Well I guess you would really say is right not was. But anyways, I was just relieved to know that I wasn't the only one to feel that way at least once.

  I have been not quite myself the last few days, and I'm not sure why. Saturday, I slept and slept and slept. I have been so tired the last month, but at night I can't sleep. Once the sun rises I can sleep forever and its like a really deep sleep. Back to everything else though, Sunday I taught again and I will post the prayers at the end. After teaching I went to "my class" so to say. While standing for worship, I almost cried, more than once. I'm the type of person to bottle up everything and have a really good cry and be okay afterwards. I didn't want to cry though I just wanted to worship. I fought the tears and kinda enjoyed worship. My mind was just not on God but everything else and I wasn't too happy with myself. I enjoyed the message though, I don't think I heard everything God wanted me to hear though. My fault once again. I went to my cousins house to celebrate my brothers early birthday, but we never did it. Instead, we looked at baby stuff for my other cousins unborn child. Looking at a magazine from JC Penny's wasn't my idea of shopping. So being the technology freak of the family, I got on-line to look at stuff. Everyone was amazing of how many different things were on the website of JC Pennys. I went to JC Penny's with my Aunt and everyone thought I was so brave to go with her. See my Aunt, is the worst person you can go to any store of any type. She spends more time looking than she spends at home. We spent a total of two hours just trying to order something. She would find something she liked and of course they didn't have it anymore. I got bored about an hour of standing there so I went walking around.

     While walking I started to think about everything God has given me. What he has done for me and how much I've done to show my love for God. My mind just went flying about, and I realized its been almost a year since I was baptized. I don't know if I should have been baptized last year, if it was truly the right time.  I also realized how God has made me a new creation. How God gave me a new life. God gave me this life to be me and to show others what God has done for me but also to show what He has done for them. Thinking of the life God gave me, I made the choice to change a few things in my life that I know God wouldn't want to tempted not only myself but others as well. I got some new clothes, because most of my old ones weren't always the right thing to wear, or not something I would wear to church. I am also changing a few other things in my life and I will let you all know what those are as I change them. 

   I'm sorry for not posting sooner. I have been fighting with my writing the last few days. I have a really strong feeling to keep writing though. I thank you all for reading what I write and for everyone I don't know thank you for taking an interested in whatever is happening in my life, I know you have better things you could be doing.


I will have to post the children's prayers in the morning I left them at my Aunt's.

Prayers:

I think the only prayer I have of myself is that these dreams I keep having, go away.  So if you could please for that and also the health of the Gressman's and the McGarry's as well, thank you all SO much :)



  Blessing be to you and may you see God everywhere you look,
                 CarissaGrace