God Speaking to Me

I've been trying to write a blog for this week for the past six days. Everything that came to mind though just didn't seem like the best thing to write. I guess I can't put it off anymore.

     For most of last week I felt like God was speaking through everyone. Tuesday when I watched two boys, one four and the other three, it just seemed like God was shining through them more than normal. Some days you can never forget and it was one of those days. A few things I would like to share with you about it was that kids is where God shines through the easiest because, they know that he's real and they really don't have the world fighting against their faith. Second, you know when you're doing something right when you're watching Blue's Clues and a when Steve says something about being the best babysitter ever and a four year old smiles then looks at you. Although, the four year old asked me why Steve didn't have a girlfriend at a random point during the movie. Third, brothers are the best ones to look at when you want to see different people. After I was done watching them, we were sitting in the car and the boys were watching a movie, I looked back to look at them because they were being REALLY quiet and I saw the four year old wide-eyed and mouth open in Awe leaning forward and the three year old with a look of disgust leaning back as far as he could.Children really are the best way to go when you need a straight answer.
    Wednesday, I hung out with a family that I might babysit for and then helped watch five kids for a bible study that night. When I was hanging out with the family, really just the mom and youngest child, I realized how much God means to me and how much He has changed me life. As I talked to the mother, I realized that I have changed more in the last eight months then I care to admit. With every conversation we shared God had something for me to listen to. I enjoyed my faith growing in a different but amazing way. At the bible study, the kids really opened my eyes.Everyone sharing and helping each other, but mainly it was a four year old and a six year old as they talked about girlfriends. I was standing at the door with it half way closed an I was in the hallway watching a two year old get a drink because she didn't want me helping her. As I stood there though, the boys not knowing I was listening, they talked about their girlfriends and the four year old said he gave his girlfriend away.A few other things said led me to the conclusion about their thoughts of having a "girlfriend." My heart broke when I knew what they thought, that you HAVE to have a girlfriend or your not "cool." We (the youth) are their apostles and this is what they have learned from us. I wished I could say that I am not helping them think that having a girlfriend is important but I have a boyfriend which means I'm his girlfriend. They are supposed to be learning to turn their back on the way of the world and smile on the path of God but that is not what we are teaching them, is it? Sure, their parents are but they truly look up to us and we are showing them this, I'm not saying having a girl friend is disobeying God but when a four year old thinks he NEEDS a girlfriend to be "cool" I think thats where we are following the world. Its a real eye-opener, or at least it seems that way.
    Saturday, I asked my father for a ride to church and my sister asked if she could go too. He got anger with me because my sister wants to grow in her faith. When we got to church, all I wanted to do was cry and be left alone. I asked if they needed my help and they did. I was able to hold back the tears while I taught Kindergarten-Second grade but in the middle of our project I was asked if I drove to church. I smiled and said no, they asked who dropped me off. I wanted to cry again but answered. Still wanting to know more about me they ask why. I looked at them and said because my dad doesn't go to church. Asking more questions, they replied why doesn't he like church. How do you tell a bunch of kids that you fight for your faith everyday? That your life is filled with people who are against God? I really didn't have anything to say so I simple answered with," Because he doesn't love God." I changed the subject quickly by starting a game. I'm happy that they wanted to know about me but it could have been on a better night.

 ( I'm in  TOO good of a mood to finish this right now, do it later?)