Do I try too hard?

So an update on the teen drama. Well, after I posted my last thoughts on it I sent a text to my friend. I've been trying to talk to her the last few days but my efforts don't show any improvement. I'm beating myself up over it really. I just don't really know what I really did that was so wrong. Yes, I blew up and  I shouldn't have but it wasn't that much. I feel horrible over it but I guess I had a slim reason to be anger. In God's word it tells us that being anger is not a sin, it is what we do in anger that may make it a sin. Well, it wasn't a sin to get anger but I feel it was a sin the way I reacted. I said sorry but I guess my explanation wasn't as long as I wished it could have been.  All day today, I have really just been questioning why I'm trying so hard for her not to be anger at me. I can't really come up with a reason besides the fact that I enjoy our friendship. To myself, she is still a friend but I don't know if she feels the same way. I have also been questioning other stuff I do. Like when I babysit or hang out with friends. I have been wondering if I try too hard to be a enjoyable babysitter or if I try too hard to be a good friend. Do I try too hard to be a good person? Do I try too hard to be a reasonable teen? Do I try too hard to be myself? Do I try too hard to be an okay writer? Do I try too hard to be a good teacher? Do I try too hard to enjoy the moment? The most important questions that came to mind were: Do I try too hard to be a good Christian?   What does it mean to be a good Christian? What is a good Christian?        To most of these questions I have no answer to but to a few I can honestly say no and to others I have to question yes. So to the questions that I answered no to would be; being an enjoyable babysitter, being a reasonable teen, being myself, and being able to enjoy the moment all answered honestly with a no. The questions that are most likely yes are; being a good friend,being a good person, being an okay writer, and to being a good teacher.  The most important questions are the ones I have no idea about. Which scares me in a way because I should know what a good Christian is, what it means to be a good Christian and if I try too hard to be a good Christian, right?  Well anyways while I try too hard to figure out all these new questions bobbing about I pray that everyone is F.R.O.G. ( fully relying on God) 

 Blessings be to you and may you see God every where you look,

               CarissaGrace

Lightness.

My nine year old brother, clay, did this. I love it and its so much cooler because he did it on this paint spinner. He put glitter on it after he was paint with it still spinning. I was in awe when i first saw it.

Teenage girl drama!

for the past three days I have just been not fully myself. Of course I am a little over emotional, which means I have cried the last three days. Last night I got into a fight with one of my closest friends. It was both of our faults and most of it I think was just a misunderstanding. I haven't talked to her about it but I really want to though. Most of the time I would be the first person on the phone trying to fix it all but this time I said I wouldn't/ couldn't not this time. I most likely would have but I talked to her mom for an hour last night. I wasn't to happy speaking to her mother because instead of talking to me she should have been with her daughter. I almost called my friend but I just couldn't. I want to and need to but I'm not going to. I feel immature, stupid and just plain selfish. Will I forget my anger and hurt and finally call her up? Who knows.  

not anything

today has just been one of those days where i wish i was a child. Not
all day just after 4 this afternoon. I babysat this morning and
i enjoyed every minute of it. I have no idea why but people look up to
me and respect me. Even people older than myself. Im grateful that
they do and they know they can trust me but sometimes I wish i could
just some where, where i was nothing. Where i wasnt respected, had
very many exceptations, asked advice, looked up to or where i wasnt
just grown up. I cant find that place though. Kids look up to me and
want to follow me, friend always want advice or just say stuff that
makes me feel way too mature, adults treat me older than i really am.
I need even a one time five minute place where im not anything. I
doubt it is even possible because i dont even know. Its so much
pressure to be everything everyone wants you to be and truth is i cant
be. Since i am carissa though i am going to try because i want others
to be happy before i am. You could ask almost anyone close to me

Having no answers part 2

my other favorite question was asked by my best friend austen. Before i got my phone we used to talk for many hours just about every night. One night/morning it was about 3 and austen asked if he could ask me a question. I replied of course. I was thinking it was about something he need advice with but to my surprise he questioned," i've been reading all your posts and i noticed the times on many of them r around 2/3 in the morning. How do you ever get to church on time?" we were talking over IM so i busted up laughing feeling like a complete dork. I dont remember my answer but i know God gets me on time everywhere :)

having no answers part 1

I have been asked many many questions in my life time, which hasnt been very long. I have two favorite questions I have ever been asked. One was asked by a four year old boy at the time named Ky-Ky. I was babysitting him one day along with his brother. His younger brother, creidey, asked why I was a girl. I replied " because God made a girl." Ky looked at me with his thought look and ask," why'd God make you a BabySitr?"I had no answer to that. All i could think was why did God make me a babysitter? I told ky that i just dont know why He made me a babysitter. The reason that this is one of my favorite questions is because a simple question from a child and i had something new to question. I questioned why anyone would want me to watch their children, how could their trust me? Finally after days and maybe even a few weeks i asked his dad why. I remember somethings said but still sometimes i question myself what makes me a good babysitter? I may never know but God does and He knows why I wonder. Thank u Lord :)

Little things

For the past few weeks it has just been hard to be me. I keep finding old habits sneak back into my life and i am not enjoying it. Today i was babysitting, i had gotten to where i was babysitting before the kids did. While i was sitting outside reading i just started crying for no reason. I could have came up with a million different reasons but nothing had happened during that minute that i cried. As i was sitting there crying my phone starts saying "carissa!carissa!carissa!" my new ringtone for georgia. Well i had called earlier to see if peyton could help me babysit one night. She asked if everything was okay, i lied and said yes. Later on i was sorta having a bad day and ky-ky lost his first tooth while i was with them. I forgot how important it was to loose teeth and how amazing it was to know that i was once that happy because i knew bigger and better things were coming because i
had to wait and lose something small to gain sometning bigger. It made my day and made god visible :)

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Life

Many of you may not know what this picuter is suppose to be. Others may think i'm crazy because i get something out of this picture. This picture was taken by a six year old boy. Just messing around with the my phone. I love this picture because it shows me how confusing life is when you just glance at it. If you really study this picture you can find what is in it and a meaning behind it if your crazy like me. How many times has life just seem crazy and out control, like when you first look at this picture? How many times has god made sense of it after you study his word? For me it has happened countless times and no matter how silly, unfixable or unable to understand it, taking the time to sit and study the bible always makes life better and easier. Just praying wont do anything we have to look for gods answer. Blessings be to you sa just like when ypu just glance at this picture
you will get nothing but a headache.nd may you see god everywhere you look-- carissagrace

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No matter what seems to be going on in life it can never compare to what Jesus did for all of us Life can be so hard but we always have someone to tlk it out w/

My "Pro"tector

The title comes from a little boy named Ky-Ky. He calls himself his baby sisters "Tector" as in Protector. I know God is my protector and forever will be. My dear friend/sister helped edit this with myself and I am truly grateful for everything and love her SO much. Thanks Ky for being you and thanks Peyton Diane.  I think any one who needs God or is trying to search for Him or is just needing Him can find comfort in knowing that He, God, is ALWAYS here to help us and protect us for harm. Thank you Lord for everything.

(Thanks Peyton Diane for everything, this is one for you. Remember to look to the Lord in anytime and thank Him in all times. Love you lots Girlie!)

My "Pro"tector
   As I start to stall
I stare at the wall
my tears just fall
  I want the pain to go away
for the enemy to stay at bay
for my faith is starting to sway
  Those thoughts are flooding back
he's sending more to attack
I am about to crack
  I hear a little sound
its starting to pound
I know I have been found
  I can see this light
it is oh so bright
being able to stand to fight
  For even when alone never am I
never left to die
standing there being told not to cry
 I fall on my knees
asking my Lord please
knowing He will say leave
  Praising the Lord coming up with blanks
seeing it as a scene with many tanks
being able to say only thanks
  Scaring the darkness away
Demanding Him not to pass the bay
Protecting me from night to day

   Blessing be to you and may you see God everywhere you look~~
                                                                           CarissaGrace