I really dont know if my writing is good or not but here it is.
My week so far...
Started out really horrible because I just felt like my emotions were out of control.
Wednesday, not what I wanted it to be but it was great to have coffee with a friend/ "brother"
Thursday was very emotionally but God had it all planed out. Instead of finding Him like I normally would ( through prayer, one song of worship, and reading my Bible) I found Him in helping Kody (sort of), just a few songs of worship, and holding Kearyn ( kind of). Talking to Andrea didn't get very far because the concert started.Friday, spent the night at Georgia's house ( I babysit for that family. Besides that, I look up to her and Andrea. They are just so themselves but themselves in God!) Friday night, couldn't sleep for anything. Still don't know why but it was funny. Saturday morning, Naomi (2 years old) and Georgia went down stairs, then Sarah (4 years old) and I follow a few minutes after. Georgia made amazing waffles while I played with the girls.
We went to Grand Junction ( about a hour an half away), and for the first time, I went to Hobby Lobby. Then we went to support for her friend, who sells purses.I was watching the girls for like four maybe five minutes while we were in Hobby Lobby. Well the girls sat on the bottom of the cart because the didn't want to walk but they didn't want in the cart. So as I'm trying to push it, I stop because Naomi's legs are about to be ran over. I tell the girls to stand up and Naomi trys but Sarah wont let her. The older lady comes over and says, " Oh, It looks like your mommy wants you up." Says she wished she had her camera because it was just so cute. All I was thinking was, " Do I look old enough to have a four year old!?!? Or even TWO kids?!? Really?!? You seem nice and all but I am SOOOO not their mom!!!!!" I was just so dumbfounded. Of course (just to prove a point) I threw in as I picked up Naomi, " Your mommy will be back in a minute." As the older lady started walking off.
When we were at Hobby Lobby, Naomi wanted to come with me to look at beds, so as we were walking she kept falling on her knees because she knew I would pick her back up. Well, after the sixth or seventh time I just picked her up and started carrying her. I started tickling her and she was just laughing so hard, I was afraid she stopped breathing. Later on at Hobby Lobby, I was carrying Sarah because she wouldn't let me put her down and Naomi wanted me to carry her too. I really couldn't pick up Naomi, so Georgia picked her up- But then she gave her to me. I had Naomi on one side, Sarah on the other and they were just giggling. I was a little worried that I might drop one of them but I didn't. After five minutes or so of holding both of them my arms started cramping. I tried to put Sarah down but she didn't find it fair that I was carrying Naomi. I put them both down and held their hands instead. So much easier that way.On the way back home, everyone sitting in the back seats fell asleep. Which means; Naomi, Sarah and I fell asleep. I didn't fall asleep for very long, I don't think but it was still sleep.
We had dinner before church Saturday night, Georgia ordered a personal kid cheese pizza for the girls, a personal chicken something pizza for herself, and I (of course), being me ordered a basic green salad. After their pizzas came, we realized they messed up the order, two chicken somethings instead of one being a cheese pizza. When "my" salad came, Sarah took a slice of cucumber. I was great with that because, I'm used to kids eating off my plate. The girls got a piece of pizza but Naomi didn't want it and Sarah ate what was given to her happily. Naomi came over and sat on my lap, taking over "my" salad with Sarah right next to her. I was laughing SO hard because they wanted the salad over the pizza. Naomi, wasn't even using a fork and Sarah was leaning over me to get to the salad. It was a really fun dinner!
The funniest joke I have yet to hear from Pastor Karl was told Saturday night, " People who say Shoot and Darn go to Heck!" I busted up laughing feeling like a complete dork but I wasn't alone.Sunday, Georgia being completely awesome like she is, took me to church and then picked me back up after both services were over. But during that time I was teaching the new stuff for GraceKids which was pretty cool.After Georgia and the girls picked me up from church, we went to the Hot Springs and hung out. It was awesome. Sarah just wanted to swim and swim but couldn't. So she just kicked and I "drove" us around every where. Naomi wanted to play but was scared kind of scared too.
Every night I was supposed to go home, I ended up staying another night. The girls agreed that I should just move in. Sarah was SO mad when I said I had to go home this morning after we woke up! She started crying saying she didn't want me to go. I said I had to go back so I could get my clothes but I would see her later.This morning before Georgia dropped me off, we took the kids to school. Luke gave his mom a kiss and left. Sarah kissed Naomi and came toward Georgia and myself. I though she was going to go her mom but nope, she gave me a big hug and left. I was awestruck because I just was.
When I went back to their house to help Georgia with somethings, Naomi saw me after a minute or two of me being there. She was up stairs and Georgia hadn't seen me yet, the first thing she said (more like screamed) " Carissa is home!!!" It was the cutest thing. I just kept laughing because afterward when she couldn't find me she would ask, " where's Carissa momma? Momma where's Carissa?" Until she knew where I was. Or she would follow me around because she didn't want to lose track of me. Have to love kids and what they say. After, they got out of school today, we picked them up and went to Georgia's office for about five minutes. Then to drop me off, Sarah did not want me to go. I felt SO bad because , sure, I would have loved to stay and play with them but I couldn't get in trouble. Sometimes I feel like I was placed some where I wasn't supposed to be. God is in control though and that's all I really know anymore.
When I came home and stayed home, is when things became not so great. Hate hunting and I'm going to hate it even more because of Alex. I don't hate Alex at all but it just doesn't make sense. Alex and his dad came over earlier tonight and I saw TOO many changes. He used to love going to church and he didn't cuss all that much and all. Sometimes I thought Alex was farther in his walk than I was in mine. After we broke up though he stopped going to church and I didn't care if he hated me or not, as long as I wasn't the reason for his faith to weaken. I carried that guilt for a few weeks but I realized, if Alex's walk was as strong as he said it was, it would still be just as strong. While Alex and his dad were visiting, I stayed away from ALL the drama. After they left my dad asked if I could have been any ruder, my reply," Yes, yes, I could have." Being the person that he is asked if he cheated on me. No that's not what happened. There is just SOOOO much unneeded drama here. Most of it because of my faith, which isn't going to go away.
God just has a way of working and its always great :)
Many blessings be to you and may you see God every where you look. ~~ CarissaGrace
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Truth is...
I feel like I'm failing. I'm trying my hardest to be strong and keep everything together and yet I see myself only getting weaker. The enemy knows what breaks me and how to weaken my faith. I'm trying to stand and the only thing I can hold on to is God. Being strong was how I was expected to live and then I was shown the Path of God and was told that through my weakness, God's strength will shine. I know that's the truth, because I see it everyday since I started to open my eyes to the things unseen.
I've been told not to question God and all He does. I try not to, I know He makes all things good. I know His one and only son died on the cross for my sins, and I know He made me who I am today. God is great and the only question I want to know is why He's had so much grace on my life. Not really in my life because He's saved my life more than once and has blessed me. I don't understand, why was I important enough to save more than three times and why one of them wasn't even saved? Why do you seem to need me? What do I have to offer your Kingdom?
There are many things some people don't know about me and so many more people that really don't know anything about me. So, instead of just writing ten different paragraphs that I'm sure you don't want/ have the time to read and I just can't write so I'll make a list.
Ten Truths:
1.) It took me 13 years to find God, 14 1/2 years to get to know Him and 15 years to completely put my life in His hands.
2.) All I want to do is scream but I can't. Every time I try to, my voice leaves me and I'm left standing with nothing but tears.
3.) Music is what I get lost in. One song can say everything I have to say and I just tell God, " Yup, God this is it."
4.) The song I listen to when I know my faith is weak is Walk Away (maybe)- Good Charlotte. I just feel that that song brings me back to God, every time.
5.) I don't even know why I write any more, it just seems to be a waste. Yet, I still do it...
6.) Why I HATE money goes back to when I first started babysitting and it never seems to fail that my family keeps my hate of money growing stronger.
7.) When I'm told something that brings tears to my eyes, its always hard for me to reply. Even harder when its not in person because I have time to think about what was said.
8.) Its extremely hard for me to look at someone when I'm crying. Before I started going to The Grove, I could tell you how many people I cried in front of and what their full names were. Now I've cried in front of many, many people and I'm sure a great deal more to come. Most of them, I don't even know their first names.
9.) God has been telling me to open up more. I have which is kinda hard, because I used to be the person who kept everything to myself and sometimes still am.
10.) Its hard for me to tell anyone whats wrong or something about me. Even with people I trust and love, unless I feel compelled to tell you something, I most likely wont.
The truth is, I'm just a teenage girl that is lost at the moment. That's already learned that; He is my world, I love Him more than I love anyone else, He will never let me go, His love is the greatest love of all, He will love me forever, I'm accepted by Him, He will always be by my side, I will worship Him, I believe in Him, He will let the perfect man cut in, He will always protect me, He knows best and will always do great. He is God and I know He lives!
Blessing be to you and may you see God every where you look~~ CarissaGrace
I've been told not to question God and all He does. I try not to, I know He makes all things good. I know His one and only son died on the cross for my sins, and I know He made me who I am today. God is great and the only question I want to know is why He's had so much grace on my life. Not really in my life because He's saved my life more than once and has blessed me. I don't understand, why was I important enough to save more than three times and why one of them wasn't even saved? Why do you seem to need me? What do I have to offer your Kingdom?
There are many things some people don't know about me and so many more people that really don't know anything about me. So, instead of just writing ten different paragraphs that I'm sure you don't want/ have the time to read and I just can't write so I'll make a list.
Ten Truths:
1.) It took me 13 years to find God, 14 1/2 years to get to know Him and 15 years to completely put my life in His hands.
2.) All I want to do is scream but I can't. Every time I try to, my voice leaves me and I'm left standing with nothing but tears.
3.) Music is what I get lost in. One song can say everything I have to say and I just tell God, " Yup, God this is it."
4.) The song I listen to when I know my faith is weak is Walk Away (maybe)- Good Charlotte. I just feel that that song brings me back to God, every time.
5.) I don't even know why I write any more, it just seems to be a waste. Yet, I still do it...
6.) Why I HATE money goes back to when I first started babysitting and it never seems to fail that my family keeps my hate of money growing stronger.
7.) When I'm told something that brings tears to my eyes, its always hard for me to reply. Even harder when its not in person because I have time to think about what was said.
8.) Its extremely hard for me to look at someone when I'm crying. Before I started going to The Grove, I could tell you how many people I cried in front of and what their full names were. Now I've cried in front of many, many people and I'm sure a great deal more to come. Most of them, I don't even know their first names.
9.) God has been telling me to open up more. I have which is kinda hard, because I used to be the person who kept everything to myself and sometimes still am.
10.) Its hard for me to tell anyone whats wrong or something about me. Even with people I trust and love, unless I feel compelled to tell you something, I most likely wont.
The truth is, I'm just a teenage girl that is lost at the moment. That's already learned that; He is my world, I love Him more than I love anyone else, He will never let me go, His love is the greatest love of all, He will love me forever, I'm accepted by Him, He will always be by my side, I will worship Him, I believe in Him, He will let the perfect man cut in, He will always protect me, He knows best and will always do great. He is God and I know He lives!
Blessing be to you and may you see God every where you look~~ CarissaGrace
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
With out God
(Wrote August 22nd, 2010.)
Today, I learned that the older you grow with out Christ, how much tighter the enemy has a hold of you. As a teenager, I hear everything from cussing to jokes that aren't at all funny just inappropriate and wrong and everything in between. I hear most of it from teens around me.But as I spent time with my family and their friends I noticed that they were worse than most teenage groups. I was completely blown away as I walked by them and heard part of their conversations. I had no idea how much worse it got. The only time I heard about the goodness of God was when a couple, I don't know who they were besides old family friends, talked about how the first met and how it was God who brought them together and how they were at church. My sister told them I was working because I helped out at church before I got there. Once asked where I worked and said I only help out at my church, no other questions were asked. I will never understand how people can walk away from God after knowing Him, I know I never can.
CarissaGrace
Today, I learned that the older you grow with out Christ, how much tighter the enemy has a hold of you. As a teenager, I hear everything from cussing to jokes that aren't at all funny just inappropriate and wrong and everything in between. I hear most of it from teens around me.But as I spent time with my family and their friends I noticed that they were worse than most teenage groups. I was completely blown away as I walked by them and heard part of their conversations. I had no idea how much worse it got. The only time I heard about the goodness of God was when a couple, I don't know who they were besides old family friends, talked about how the first met and how it was God who brought them together and how they were at church. My sister told them I was working because I helped out at church before I got there. Once asked where I worked and said I only help out at my church, no other questions were asked. I will never understand how people can walk away from God after knowing Him, I know I never can.
CarissaGrace
I am CarissaGrace and forever will be.
(Wrote August 20th, 2010. I posted "Accepting my Challenge" instead)
The name CarissaGrace first started about eight months ago. I didn't have a pen name and Carissa is my first name and I chose Grace because God has put so much in my life.There reason there is no space between the two is because at first it looked like my real name, but now there is no space because you should never put a space between you and God. As I started using that name on everything, I started feeling like God was being more and more a part of my life. In fact he was, I was going to youth group and life seemed to be looking up again. It was great and I stopped thinking about everything bad that was in hidden in my past.One of them being the fact my mother had left the year before for drugs and I was living with my alcoholic father who I didn't get along with. My life had purpose and meaning, I had something to look forward to everyday. I went to church every weekend and every Thursday. On the weekends, I would attend all three services because I volunteered for two and watched one. The church I go to has three services; one Saturday night and two Sunday morning.They all have the same sermon just more choices of times to watch it at.As my walk on the path of God became more of a run, I saw one relationship that was holding me back and it was one I never thought I would lose, my boyfriend. As the weeks past, I grew into a deep thought of wonder of what I wanted. I felt more and more pain with each passing day and before I knew it, a month had past and I was crying at least once a day.Then one Wednesday, I was going to middle school youth group and it was over relationships, mainly Christ centered ones. Before we got started though, Marina (one of my Christ moms) and I were talking about what I should do and she said I should talk to my youth minister about it and I said no. His wife overheard and said," You should try dating Jesus." I'll never forget that. After that girls and boys split up and heard different things.But what made me realize what I had to do was that a mother was arguing with a couple of people there and to share my story about being in a non-Christ relationship and how I felt. I don't know if it changed a life and I don't know if it was helpful but I do know that it made my walk with Christ so much stronger.This is where mt pen name became who I was. I was baptized two months later and found myself so much happier. I don't ever wonder what my life would be if I didn't have Christ because I am more than happy with the life I'm being lead in and I will never regret making that choice of saying yes to temptation or running in the path of God, where sometimes I trip but my church family helps me back up no matter how hard the fall or how long it was.Blessing be to you and may you see God everywhere you look, CarissaGrace
September 5th,2010
(Wrote this September 5th, 2010)
I'm the type of person that over thinks every thing, even when I know its in God's hands. This week I've been thinking about everything; my relationships,my faith, my actions, and since this morning, my legacy. Since my life took a complete change three weeks ago I've been struggling with my faith. I have grown stronger in Christ but I still feel like I'm falling. That I'm failing God, because even though I'm trying to make the best of everything, my walk seems slower and I'm craving God more and getting less chance to learn about him with others. So with my faith I know its growing because of what I've been thinking about this past week.
Relationships:
With my past relationships I've realized how they have changed. Last year, I was the average teen. I cussed ALL the time, I was depressed and I was living in the way of the world. I had a boyfriend who I couldn't carry a conversation with, my best friends were trash mouth pot heads, and my best best friend was my ex-boyfriend who is now my current one.Now, I hang out with people who encourage my faith, help my walk, and all but one is Christ centered.(the one thats not is my fathers and my relationship but I am praying that it will be) I went to myspace to see how much I really have changed and I was shocked. It was all about my ex-boyfriend and how God wasn't real. My top friends were people that don't like who I've become. I also looked at some peoples profiles that I know have changed. I came to the conclusion that I'm really, truly happy with the choice I've made. I've always been happy with it but to really see the difference makes it easier to know that this is the right choice even if its hard.
I'm the type of person that over thinks every thing, even when I know its in God's hands. This week I've been thinking about everything; my relationships,my faith, my actions, and since this morning, my legacy. Since my life took a complete change three weeks ago I've been struggling with my faith. I have grown stronger in Christ but I still feel like I'm falling. That I'm failing God, because even though I'm trying to make the best of everything, my walk seems slower and I'm craving God more and getting less chance to learn about him with others. So with my faith I know its growing because of what I've been thinking about this past week.
Relationships:
With my past relationships I've realized how they have changed. Last year, I was the average teen. I cussed ALL the time, I was depressed and I was living in the way of the world. I had a boyfriend who I couldn't carry a conversation with, my best friends were trash mouth pot heads, and my best best friend was my ex-boyfriend who is now my current one.Now, I hang out with people who encourage my faith, help my walk, and all but one is Christ centered.(the one thats not is my fathers and my relationship but I am praying that it will be) I went to myspace to see how much I really have changed and I was shocked. It was all about my ex-boyfriend and how God wasn't real. My top friends were people that don't like who I've become. I also looked at some peoples profiles that I know have changed. I came to the conclusion that I'm really, truly happy with the choice I've made. I've always been happy with it but to really see the difference makes it easier to know that this is the right choice even if its hard.
Short and maybe sweet
I haven't blogged in two weeks or so and I really think my best posts are the short ones and the forever long ones. So this is the short and sweet version of my life right now.
I gave complete control over to God and since I've stopped "driving" my life, its been more than amazing. I spend less time at home and more time with people who help my faith grow. I've been babysitting a LOT and God has really open my eyes through children. I further understand why Jesus said we have to become children. Since I've given up control, my life has changed so much and I never want control over it again. I hear God more, and its absolutely amazing. I've realized, I don't need to serve twice a weekend in order to feel like I'm doing right. Accepting what others thought and think about me is pretty hard some times and yet I'm learning to accept it. My prayers have changed, and I pray for different things, one of them is what God wants me to do. I thought I was going to become a doctor, God has me following a different path and I'm running on it. I go into deep thought more and more, plus I'm pretty sure I know who God wants me to follow. I'm more comfortable about sharing God and when God lays something on my heart, I take action. I see God more and take time to learn more. Whether I'm a great role-model or not, I'm still an apostle which means I'm going to do my best to follow Christ. If you've ever called me wise and I disagreed, God showed me that I was. If you haven't talked to someone for a while, ask them how their day went, maybe they will find Christ, or deep their relationship. I know one girl who wants to seek God and read her Bible because we talked. Here's a poem I wrote last night, it explains a lot more than this does :)
I gave complete control over to God and since I've stopped "driving" my life, its been more than amazing. I spend less time at home and more time with people who help my faith grow. I've been babysitting a LOT and God has really open my eyes through children. I further understand why Jesus said we have to become children. Since I've given up control, my life has changed so much and I never want control over it again. I hear God more, and its absolutely amazing. I've realized, I don't need to serve twice a weekend in order to feel like I'm doing right. Accepting what others thought and think about me is pretty hard some times and yet I'm learning to accept it. My prayers have changed, and I pray for different things, one of them is what God wants me to do. I thought I was going to become a doctor, God has me following a different path and I'm running on it. I go into deep thought more and more, plus I'm pretty sure I know who God wants me to follow. I'm more comfortable about sharing God and when God lays something on my heart, I take action. I see God more and take time to learn more. Whether I'm a great role-model or not, I'm still an apostle which means I'm going to do my best to follow Christ. If you've ever called me wise and I disagreed, God showed me that I was. If you haven't talked to someone for a while, ask them how their day went, maybe they will find Christ, or deep their relationship. I know one girl who wants to seek God and read her Bible because we talked. Here's a poem I wrote last night, it explains a lot more than this does :)
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