Home with family...

 I know I said I might only blog once a week but have posted a blog everyday.
       When I woke up this morning, I had, " the art of losing myself in bring you praise," stuck in my head.Nothing more than that one line and I had no idea why. I kept singing it over and over until my cousin picked me up. As we were about half a mile from church, Marina drove past us on her way back home. I smiled, waved and turned around to watch her leave. I knew Alex, my best friend and my boyfriend, was already there. When I got dropped off, I almost ran to GraceKids just so I would know that I wasn't dreaming about being there. Val said it looked like me. At this time I had on a shirt that Marina had given me months before and never really wore it, plus high heels that I never wear. I helped do check-in and then I left to do tech for the main room in GK. Like the night before, not one of the kids knew the song (From the inside out by Hillsong United) that they had been doing for the past two weeks. I chose "I will boast" to lead. I stood behind the chairs in the room and did the motions. The kids on stage were doing so great one of the small group leaders turned around to see what they were looking at. She just smiled and started following the kids. After worship for them was over I went up stairs to help with the four and five's. Once I got there, I learned what we were doing, and found out just how small the 9:00 service really was. Most of the time I help out at the 10:30 service for four and fives and the last time we did it I had 23 kids.Plus there was only two of us, Marina and myself. For today though there was only THREE kids at the nine O'clock service.  I made my first art project that turned out to look amazing. I can't even trace my hand so it was really cool. I know I go from this to that but any ways, when I was in there it was like time had slowed down and I would never get to see Marina. After, I left GK I went right over to the main church and saw my youth minister's kids, then Andrea, his wife. I stood there for what seemed forever and still no Marina. I was getting worried that she wouldn't show. I got restless and went back to GK to get my jacket, yes I know its summer in Colorado but it was in case I got cold. Its always freezing in the church. When I walked in the main room of GK, Val had just walked in too. She looked stressed and worried. I ask her what was wrong, then I noticed there were no adults besides us. I asked her if she needed me to stay there while she looked for her helpers. She said that would be good for a few minutes. As I stood there for about six maybe seven minutes, every helper showed up. The tech person still wasn't there so I was just going to do it. As the host came up to the tech booth I ask him if he knew the movements to this months song. He said no. I told him about the two other services and we made a choice.I picked "I will Boast" and " Might to save" to do instead. We had done these in the months before. I offered to lead the songs because well, I found it easier to remember the songs when I did the movements. Not all song are like that though. He said he would do tech so I could be on stage and I picked a few kids to come on stage and help me lead. As I led the kids and even the adults through the songs, I was filled with happiness because even though I wasn't getting to worship at the main church I was still was worshiping. Afterward, I ran over to the main church eager to see Marina. I walked in and she wasn't sitting in her normal spot, so I looked over by the youth group kids and sure enough I saw her. I walked up by them and started singing. She looked at me and just hugged me. As I stood there hugging her, I felt like I had been gone for a really,really long time and I had just come home. As I looked up, I saw my youth minister, Jason, and Andrea with their baby girl and I saw all my friends worshiping the Lord, knew that I truly was home. I started crying and just felt so much happiness and joy that I didn't know what to do. We hugged each other for a long time but it didn't seem long enough. As we let go, Marina looked at me, with tears running down her cheeks and said something that I've heard a lot lately by my church family and that is, " I love you, Riss" most people don't call me Riss though. I said I loved her too and we hugged again. I never wanted to let go but I did because I knew it wasn't going to be the last time I hugged her and I knew that no one can stop me from loving her or anyone else there. And its not that my church family doesn't tell me they love me all the time because they do, but I just notice it more when I'm walking with God in troubled times. We moved up one row that way we could all sit together.(Marina, Alex, and Marina's daughter, Lachelle.)As we stood there singing the last worship song before Karl's message, I realized how much I missed her voice and the reason why I had to miss anything about her. I pushed back my tears and knew that I didn't have to worry because I knew everything was in God's hands. Since I started going to Grace, I have felt like who ever is giving the message is really just having a one-on-one conversation, telling what I need to hear. This last week was one that didn't want to break the streak. While I sat there listening to what God want me to hear, all I could think about is how blessed I am,truly. With everyone that I love and loves me, and how they help/helped me on this walk with God. After the message we prayed, just like we always do.But this time when we should have stood up,Marina sat there crying.I gave her a hug and stood up to worship. Soon after my hug she left and I knew she was crying because of me.I don't know exactly what but I do know it was because of me. At that moment I wished I could take away her pain and even the memory of ever meeting me. I really wanted to run after her to talk about everything but stood still. I can't though and I'm glad because everyone's lives would be pretty boring if I wasn't here to make it sound more complicated then it really is, or to have someone hear me tell a story that is switching around from here to there and back here oh and the details no one has to know to get the point.After she ran out, Andrea came over and gave me a hug.Later I talked to her about the hug and I found out I'm a lot like her.Andrea said I looked like I was holding up just fine and then she said that you could look fine on the outside but inside is a different story. Boy, is she right, although I have shared my feelings more now that I'm a believer than any other time in my life. Which is good, I'm starting to trust almost everyone and tell them whats going on. (Remember how I was wearing high heels, well they were three inches high,which made me about the same height as most people or even taller. I almost fell over when I was hugging Andrea and noticed how I leaned on her so I could get my footing, with out people,I would be a very clumsy person on the path of Christ and just standing any where. :D) I have to love the people  I am becoming/am like because they are all people who have walked this far on this path with me and are still push me to walk farther. I love my REAL ( real meaning the people who know who I am and what I'm about, basically my church family ) family. :DDD
       Blessings be to you and may you see God every where you look~ CarissaGrace