Saying Yes.

 This week has been the hardest week since I started school. Home life has just been chaos; while school has been nothing but struggles.  I watch Christian everyday fall and I see myself falling with them, but its not just a short fall. Each fall seems to be more and more destructive and it's heart breaking. Not that they are just falling but that I'm caught in the same mudslide of sin and each person with faith is a light and there are not many bright lights left.


I was able to talk to someone about everything going on, after the sermon tonight and I really didn't plan on telling them everything I did. I didn't know I would cry or even hear everything God wanted me to, I just let go of everything going on. It felt great to let out the time bomb going on inside, with out it going off in rage.  As I talked to this person, my real heart condition came out; not the one I wanted everyone to see. I was told everything I needed to hear plus some. One thing that God wanted to prove or just be like," Hey that was me talking..." was that I was told I was loved. I know how silly it sounds to know that you're loved but its hard for me to grasp. Every-single-day.

On that note, God sent a song and a note showing that He has loved me from the very beginning and has sent people to show me the right path. The note was from this very sweet girl that I haven't spent much time with but always seems to know what to say. On FaceBook I found a wall post saying that she looked up to me, that what I shared the week before at youth almost made her cry, and she admired the way I lived my life and hope to be more like me someday. I was shocked to say the least, not just because of the way that I have been living the last few weeks but the fact that when I told how I was saved, I thought I did an awful job. I guess God had plans for how I said that and when. It actually really scares me that she looks up to me, and wants to be more like me. But God's love is there.
             The song that just reinforced everything the person I talked to tonight, is down below.  We talked about how I need to read my Bible because thats a place where I hear God and where a huge connection is. I remembered how God will always be with me even if I don't wanna talk to Him. God knows my pains and thoughts, He knows my heart and yet here He is taking the time to help me find a way back to Him. This song is just everything I needed to hear and remember. The Go Fish Guys are just an amazing band. Their songs are mainly for preschoolers and their parents but they are just so cool! They are one of my favorite bands now and I love that. Anyways, this song made the tears flow and it really hit the heart. I've listened to it over twenty times now in just the last two hours, and every time I tear up.  I'm once again saying yes to God, and not just spending a few minutes of my day on Him but I am saying yes to fighting the good fight. Saying yes to the Kingdom of God. Saying yes to live the life God has called me to. Saying yes to live every second for Him, Every-Single- Day, not matter how hard.

Thank you Jason for talking to me tonight and for your wife and you always being there even when I don't wanna talk. Thank you Madre for bringing back the Go Fish Guys and opening so many doors.  Thank you, you the person who's reading this because otherwise I wouldn't be writing and making a promise to you and myself to try to live by God's word; You are my accountability at times and I'm grateful for you. I love you all :)

The Answer to the problems

So the boy problem, fixed. I listened to God and guewss what? He didnt want me in a relationship or atleast I couldn't be in one with that boy because he is a boy. Not a man or Gentleman that was my issue.

School was still kinda a challenge this week but I was able to get through it, and I still have my faith attached.

Home life has been harder and harder but God will take care of my stumbles and falls with love and mercy.

I saw a sermon for the first time in about three weeks and I cried like three times. Plus most of the worship songs were about being broken and God healing, also giving Him everything.

Billion Dollar question and answer to every problem whether you know it or not is: God can help me do anything.

(P.S.- I've been teaching this basic truth all month, you think I would get it before the kids would... guess not :)

That is all the updates I have at this early hour in the morning.

The SUCKY truths

As another week of school went by, I found myself losing more and more Strenght. I've fallen into temptation many times this week and I'm not proud of it. I've cussed, laughed at things that were unapproved, listened to music that lead me in the wrong directions, and I'm not refueling with God like I was the first two weeks. Today was honestly the first time I picked up my bible and read it in a week an half or so. Now I have a boyfriend and hardly know the guy! He's nice and sweet and believes in Jesus, I think, but it just doesn't feel like me.


All week I've watched and listened to people who call themselves Christians do everything that I did. All week it has been even hard to sit before God and ask for forgiveness because I know what I was doing was wrong but kept doing it anyways. From home to youth group and everything in between I'm just getting so tried of the drama, the lies, and all of the hurt. I'm just so tired of being strong and doing the right thing. Its just so hard.

The last few weeks I've been SO anger, and I'm finding that in my anger I'm walking away from God. I've been anger at my dad for countless reasons most of them really good reasons, I've been anger with school because they wont let me change my class to a higher level, and I've been anger with myself because I'm not giving it all to God and I haven't been walking the walk. I keep hearing all these amazing things about God and I know what I'm supposed to do, but I'm not always doing it. I know God healed my sickness last week when I couldn't do anything with out violently throwing up, and I prayed asking God to take it away. 15 minutes later I felt better and fell asleep. I know that was God because I had been sick like that for about 3 hours.

I just don't get why I'm so rebellious towards God. I pray every night and I know what God has done for me and I know how much he loves me but I'm still testing the life of sin in a way. Like the cussing, when I say a cuss word it leaves this bad taste in my mouth and its awful. SO why don't I stop? There's this one teacher that when he's talking to the class I can always think about God when he's talking and how what he's saying relates to my life with sin and my faith. He's never said anything about God really but he's just one of those people when you meet them, you know something about them is different.

I guess I feel guilty about everything I'm doing. I'm not on the God-side of things right now. As I've been told before, its black and white no gray areas when it comes to if it brings God glory or if it doesn't. I know I have to make some big life choices and right now one of them is how much time I spend with my friends, what music I listen to and what I'm going to do about this boy. I know there has to be lots of lines that wont ever be crossed but where do I draw these lines. I don't feel right breaking up with him, but I know it has to be a Godly relationship if this is going to happen.

Prayer requests:

Can you please pray for me and that I gt a better focus on God and keep on the path of God.

Can you please be praying for my Madre, my mentor, and her family. Her dad still needs lots of prayers and her mom of course. Her husband and children need prayer too.


Thank you

Just a side-note

I know I said get ready for a bunch of blog posts and haven't posted a blog since. Well, I was sick for a few days and still getting over it, plus it seems like I have no time for myself. From school to home I am busy, busy and busy. Although I still find time during school to talk about Jesus. I think my English teacher reads more about what I have to say about what God has done than anything else.

Right now I feel like my life is missing something. I'm not quite sure what it is because I have it all: a group of friends who help my focus stay on God, a mentor family that drives me crazy sometimes, a bundle of brothers and sisters, a church where I can always hear God's voice in the message, teachers who get on my nerves and a home life that I can always cope with. What am I missing? Most of the teens at school would say a boyfriend, while the others would say a daily job.  Neither of those are it but I'm hoping God will tell soon.

At youth group this week we learned about different forms of worship during music worship. Well before I started going to Grace and the Grove, I thought people who raised their hands were freaks. Now I happen to be one of those freaks, but I learned a lot a year an half ago when our youth pastor, Jason, gave a similar message. This past message really opened my eyes to different ways I worship when I'm going through different things. This week was not a week I was raising my hands and singing loudly, which I normally do when lots of stuff is going on and I need help or I am just really loving life. This week was kind of different, but it was still amazing. I love how each person worships differently, it shows just how much God loves us to be able to connect with us in our own way.


"How He Loves" by the David Crowder Band keeps playing, around me and in my thoughts. Yesterday I was just hanging out with my mentor family, and it played during lunch. Then at youth they played it twice, but of course that wasn't enough times I've heard it once today and have gone through it over and over in my mind. Every time the lyrics come to," I don't have time to maintain these regrets..." I pause. I'm not sure what it means but I surely hope I don't have any regrets.

Prayer Requests:


My mentor family needs prayer, their family is going through a bit lately. From having the kids' Grandpa in ICU their mother is gone and its start to take its toll on each member of their family.

I need prayer of staying strong in school and being around sin all the time. I'm finding myself getting sucked into it more and more. Just please pray that I replace all of the awful words thought and stuff with God's word.

Please be praying for my youth pastor,his wife and their family. I'm pretty sure they still don't know if she still has cancer or not. Not quite sure about that though.

And if you could please say a prayer for the high school. Just so that God could be seen a little bit more there because I know kids who have faith in God but at school God is like a poison to them.


Thank you for your prayers, love you all very much,