Wrote October 6th,2010
All together, the past two weeks have been pretty awesome. I didn't spend much time at home and it felt right. I haven't helped out in Grace Kids for two weekends now and I don't feel bad or feel like my faith has weaked.Its great. God has been pushing me in a different direction and I'm going with it. I have no idea where He's leading me but He knows the way. I had my life figured out for the most part and now I have no idea what I am doing tomorrow besides following Him. I'm loving it! I wanted to control my life and since I let go, its been amazing and I hear God more.
I've been spending a LOT of time babysitting, and I absolutely love it. It's defiantly helped my faith grow and its created many different relationships that I am so blessed to have. God is now fully in control and I never want to "drive" my life again. God speaks to me all the time and I'm sure He always did, I just didn't listen. With each new day, I feel more connected with God and more like myself.
For the past month people have been telling me that I'm a great role model and that I am wise. It is hard for me to accept a complement, which means I try to argue with who ever says it. God has a funny way of showing me what He thinks or wants me to do.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
The "Mask"
When something happens and I just get to the point where I want to talk about it but really don't want to, I hide myself from the world. Who I truly am just gets locked up in a box and nothing bothers me. Nothing can happen to make me truly anything, except happy. I haven't really been myself for the last three weeks, unless I'm at church which I really haven't been. The reason I am myself at church is because everywhere else I go to be myself, I am rejected and pushed down. Even though I'm at church, I still try and hide who I am from God. Tonight (November 27th) was pretty much the first time in three weeks I saw a service in the main church. When we started singing the last song before everyone left, I almost cried. I stopped myself because I don't even know why. Its weird how so many people hide from God because they think they will be rejected. I know God will never reject me or ever leave me so why do I hide from Him? What do I have to hide that He doesn't already know?
Austen, last week called me out on my "mask". We were talking about something and I kept saying things were great and everything would be okay. He told me, "mask." and that was it. I was confused and Austen said, "you have your mask on." I was completely crushed because I didn't want to be wearing it. I just go to it when I'm lost and confused. Its the thing I turn to when I feel alone in this over filling world. So, if I just seem blah but keep trying to keep everything happy, let me know because I probably have my mask on.
Before three weeks ago, when I was worshiping, I COULDN'T have my hands in my pockets. It just felt way too weird. Saturday, I noticed that once I heard that first note, my hands went right to my pockets. I started to remember other times when I worshiped since three weeks aog and most of the time I found my hands in my pockets. As if I was trying to hide something from God. The one with a loving plan that I can't run from, I was hiding from I know God knows what happened, because He is the first person I talked to after it happened. God was the one to know everything going on and everything that I felt. So how can I even try to hide it from Him?
Sunday, I taught 5 year old's. I couldn't believe how much I missed the hyperness and just everything about it. I had 12 kids and my helper was 6th grade Rose. I felt kinda horrible because Rose was going to break out and thats the only time she goes to church. She can't go to youth group because she has swimming, so break out is the only time she gets "feed" through someone else. She is great with kids though, and I really wished we had more helpers but there wasn't any one else. While, I tried to just be teaching, a question just kept exploding in my thoughts; What happened for me to start helping out in Grace Kids and why can't anyone else step up to the plate?
Well, the 16th will be one year of my helping out in Grace Kids. It seem pretty crazy but I guess time really does fly when your having fun. I helped out with tech for the main room in Grace Kids, also know as, the big room. Payton, at the time was the only one doing it when I first signed up. After I turned in my paper, Alex started doing tech. I was really worried at first, I thought I was going to mess up or something. I learned how to do tech in five minutes and had to put to work what I learned right afterwards. The entire month of December was my month for Saturday night. It was pretty cool, most of the time afterward I would help out with the small groups. The small groups are elementary aged kids, there is Kindergarten through Second grade and Third through Fifth. I started helping out with the nursery about a month after I started helping out. I just got done with tech when Val came in and asked if I could help with the nursery. It was Saturday night so we had new born through three year old's. I think there were only four kids in there but one of them was 3/4 months old. After that, I was just put every where and anywhere I was needed.
I have no clue why no one else steps up to the plate but I really can't complain. Sure, sometimes I just feel rundown and want to say no but its always rewarding; to know that you are teaching the next generation, or just helping in any way makes it very difficult to say no. There are so many different things to do besides teaching and most people don't realize that. I have to say that my favorite thing to do is Check-In and being a Greeter. The reason check-in is my favorite is because you get to meet the parents and just get to know them a little more. I know when I teach some parents just drop off their child(ren) and leave and when its time for them to go, its always seems really busy and chaotic. Being a Greeter is also my favorite because you get to meet more people and sometimes you start really great friendships with people you only see once a week.
I know most people don't want to deal with other people or children but there is always a place for you, trust me. I don't think its too much to ask that you donate an hour of your time to help others learn about God, somethings don't even take an hour. I know that help could always be used and it is always accepted with thanks and gratefulness. I know many are busy but I know many others are busy doing things they can do later. I'm not forcing you to do anything and I'm defiantly not saying that if you don't help then your a horrible person because you're not. Just think about helping someone else learn about God, even if it goes unnoticed.
One question for all of you, What is holding you back from a stronger walk with God?
God Bless,
CarissaGrace
Austen, last week called me out on my "mask". We were talking about something and I kept saying things were great and everything would be okay. He told me, "mask." and that was it. I was confused and Austen said, "you have your mask on." I was completely crushed because I didn't want to be wearing it. I just go to it when I'm lost and confused. Its the thing I turn to when I feel alone in this over filling world. So, if I just seem blah but keep trying to keep everything happy, let me know because I probably have my mask on.
Before three weeks ago, when I was worshiping, I COULDN'T have my hands in my pockets. It just felt way too weird. Saturday, I noticed that once I heard that first note, my hands went right to my pockets. I started to remember other times when I worshiped since three weeks aog and most of the time I found my hands in my pockets. As if I was trying to hide something from God. The one with a loving plan that I can't run from, I was hiding from I know God knows what happened, because He is the first person I talked to after it happened. God was the one to know everything going on and everything that I felt. So how can I even try to hide it from Him?
Sunday, I taught 5 year old's. I couldn't believe how much I missed the hyperness and just everything about it. I had 12 kids and my helper was 6th grade Rose. I felt kinda horrible because Rose was going to break out and thats the only time she goes to church. She can't go to youth group because she has swimming, so break out is the only time she gets "feed" through someone else. She is great with kids though, and I really wished we had more helpers but there wasn't any one else. While, I tried to just be teaching, a question just kept exploding in my thoughts; What happened for me to start helping out in Grace Kids and why can't anyone else step up to the plate?
Well, the 16th will be one year of my helping out in Grace Kids. It seem pretty crazy but I guess time really does fly when your having fun. I helped out with tech for the main room in Grace Kids, also know as, the big room. Payton, at the time was the only one doing it when I first signed up. After I turned in my paper, Alex started doing tech. I was really worried at first, I thought I was going to mess up or something. I learned how to do tech in five minutes and had to put to work what I learned right afterwards. The entire month of December was my month for Saturday night. It was pretty cool, most of the time afterward I would help out with the small groups. The small groups are elementary aged kids, there is Kindergarten through Second grade and Third through Fifth. I started helping out with the nursery about a month after I started helping out. I just got done with tech when Val came in and asked if I could help with the nursery. It was Saturday night so we had new born through three year old's. I think there were only four kids in there but one of them was 3/4 months old. After that, I was just put every where and anywhere I was needed.
I have no clue why no one else steps up to the plate but I really can't complain. Sure, sometimes I just feel rundown and want to say no but its always rewarding; to know that you are teaching the next generation, or just helping in any way makes it very difficult to say no. There are so many different things to do besides teaching and most people don't realize that. I have to say that my favorite thing to do is Check-In and being a Greeter. The reason check-in is my favorite is because you get to meet the parents and just get to know them a little more. I know when I teach some parents just drop off their child(ren) and leave and when its time for them to go, its always seems really busy and chaotic. Being a Greeter is also my favorite because you get to meet more people and sometimes you start really great friendships with people you only see once a week.
I know most people don't want to deal with other people or children but there is always a place for you, trust me. I don't think its too much to ask that you donate an hour of your time to help others learn about God, somethings don't even take an hour. I know that help could always be used and it is always accepted with thanks and gratefulness. I know many are busy but I know many others are busy doing things they can do later. I'm not forcing you to do anything and I'm defiantly not saying that if you don't help then your a horrible person because you're not. Just think about helping someone else learn about God, even if it goes unnoticed.
One question for all of you, What is holding you back from a stronger walk with God?
God Bless,
CarissaGrace
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